Whiny rants about my appearance

I’ve been feeling weirdly self-conscious lately. *shifty eyes*

I mean, I’ve always been quite concerned with how I look but lately I feel as though I look damn weiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiird.

Maybe it’s because I’ve become fatter so my face has weird unsightly bulges all over, especially when I smile

Or maybe it’s the gray lens that makes my eyes look damn cock-eyed and alien-ish.

Or maybe…. ZZZZ!

Just one of those days when you’re not feeling the most attractive.

Camwhoring with a high-res digital camera is honestly fcking scary. Every flaw is so bloody obvious! Just when I thought my make up looks good and I’m ready to leave the house, I had to take a pic with my 10 megapixel cam, then zoom in on my face and I got a very unpleasant surprise.

I haven’t been looking into the mirror or observing how I look closely recently, and I think I’d better start soon. If not everytime I look into the mirror I get a shock.

It’s like, “wtf, the last time I remember I was more attractive?!”

So sad, always the case.

LOL I kinda whined to my mum today while we were out shopping and she was like “You ah, don’t complain ah, you’re already very lucky… one day you really complain until ugly then you know”

:(

But I’ve finally switched back to GEO lenses! I love the obvious colour effect whenever I wear Freshkon but I most of the time in pics I look damn alien la!!!! Especially with gray. It was still ok with brown.

Alien eyes T_T

Alien eyeeeeeeeeessssssssss T____T

Now that I’m back to the “pupil enlarging” lenses, I feel as though I have too much pupil and too small eyes, cos the pupil definition is overpowering.

But at least I still look a lot more human in pictures!

Yes I know my hair looks back to what it was before it was all pretty healthy and shiny.

I FAILED!


I TRIED… I DIIIIIIID.

But it just kinda died on me slowly… so ya. I’m stuck with my curls for now. Blowing it straight everyday didnt work. Nor did applying a shitload of conditioner or treatment or moisturizer. Plusss it’s such a chore to maintain. I think I need to go for rebonding or smth. I dunno la.

Haven’t decided yet. What I have decided though, is to cut my fringe! Everytime I see someone with bangs, there’s a lot of little voices screaming inside my head “BANGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!”

Anyway the stupid fringe is always covering half my eye (like the pic u see above) so I might as well cut it, cos when it’s short I can’t do anything about it so I can stop procrastinating and annoying myself.

Remember I’ve talked about teeth whitening since FOREVER?

Anyway riiight before I picked up my phone to make an appointment with Fabulous Smile, I googled some reviews and they were horrific! Omg you won’t believe them. Thank god I didn’t do it with them.

So now I have to find another reliable and good dental clinic to get my whitening done.. am thinking of this forgot-what-name-clinic @ Vivo, read good reviews but it’s like I dunno, 1k? O____O

1k I could eat a lot of food leh!

HAHA ok wtf.

I’m not so sure if I’m ready to spend 1k on teeth whitening yet. Maybe I’ll do it after I get my pay from my upcoming shoots so I won’t feel guilty for spending money excessively/unnecessarily~

And you know what?!

All along I’ve always thought the main problem with my legs is that my thighs are big but only today then I realize it’s my calfs that are huge lor!

I have wayyyyy too much meat around my calf area. Like my thigh area looks proportionately big to my whole body cos I am tall and have broad shoulders, big hips, flabby etc but my calfs are just shockingly big! I think I’ll take a pic tmr or something to show I’m not bluffing.

Why do I have big calfs and not big eyes?!

Anyway since CNY is over, no more excuse for me to indulge in sinful food too often.

I have to become healthier! I have this nagging feeling that I’d die very young. And I always feel terribly weak.

I’ve started taking veggies a lot more, hurrah! Who knows how long I’ll stick to this? A week? LOL.

Not only do I have low blood pressure and anemia, I also don’t exercise often and my immune system is terrible, so I fall sick really easily…

This is not me telling the world I want to be thin, btw. It’s just me whining pointlessly FFS. It’s damn annoying whenever ppl say I’m a hypocrite cos I always claim I’m confident about myself but then sometimes I complain about this and that also.

It’s the same thing as I’m living a comfortable and happy life, I won’t complain about being poor but if I could be richer… WHY NOT?!

So ya.

Anyway poor you, stuck with reading my utter bullshit at 3AM lol. Nobody wants to talk to Jessie at 3am ;_________;

I’d better sleep soon, I’m doing some recording tomorrow!

It’s just something I’ve wanted to try for a longgg time… and finally I have the chance to do it!!!! I’ve always dreamt of being a famous singer, but I know I don’t have the talent for it.

Buttt… I can just pretend tomorrow ;)

If I think I don’t sound bad enough, I’ll post it on my blog and share it with you guys… I’m keeping my fingers crossd -___- I want it to be something I can listen to without cringing myself.

Nightttttttttt!

xoxo,
Jess