Someone Like You

Some late night pondering.

Recently, I have been obsessing over the song “Someone Like You”

- Someone Like You by Adele

As I was singing the lyrics “Never mind I’ll find someone like you…” out loud, I actually stopped for a second and thought to myself, “No, I won’t.”

If I broke up with my boyfriend, I wouldn’t find somebody just like him.

I’d actually find somebody totally different, because if it could work out with someone like my ex, I wouldn’t have given it up, or messed it up. It’s called an “ex” because it’s an “example” of what kind of guy you shouldn’t be dating. Maybe you’d want to find someone who can make you feel as special and wanted as he did, but girls, if he had you but decided to give you up… Trust me, you don’t want to find somebody like him.

You should want somebody better.

Too many people dwell on the past so much, they forget to look to the future. Reminiscence is futile. Instead of trying to hold onto a person who’s already gone, learn from your mistakes and walk away with your head held high. It’s not always that simple, or that straightforward, I know… but not trying is letting yourself down.

Whenever I’m upset because I’ve quarreled with my boyfriend, a common piece of advice I’d always receive is, “Just think about your happier times in the past.”

To which I would secretly scoff at under my breath. WHAT is the point of constantly revisiting the past just to convince yourself that the situation you’re in now is worth it? You should stay in a relationship because you’re excited about your FUTURE together, not because he “was nice to me last time.”

Last time is last time. Last time doesn’t matter anymore.

Now is right freakin’ now. Now = r e a l i t y, so get yourself a reality check. Are you happy now? Do you think this guy is capable of making you happy in the near future? The future hasn’t arrived, but if you find yourself trapped in the past or your “honeymoon period” then you can safely assume your future is bleak. What matters most about how a man treats you is during the tough times. The good times? I’m not saying forget them.

What I’m saying is that if a man can’t handle you at your worst, then he sure as hell does not deserve you at your best.

Find someone who is willing to rough it out with you because when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. If he’s not tough, your relationship will not be going anywhere eventually. It’s not difficult to find a boy who is cute and charming at the start. Every guy WILL be nice to you at the start of the relationship.

Because he wants you, because the chase is still thrilling, because he’s trying to impress you and because he hasn’t begun to take you for granted yet. We are ALL flawed, and we all take things for granted some times. But some people look into their partner’s eyes and realize what they have is special. While others, go through their whole life drifting from one facade to another.. You can’t stay in love if you don’t love being in love.

Don’t judge a boyfriend’s character from how he treats you the first 6 months, because those 6 months will not last you the rest of your life. I wasted so much time on my ex this way. I just kept wishing for better. Why make wishes when you’re in charge of your own life? YOU can make your own life better.

One of these days you’re going to run out of happy memories to tide you through the bad times. You’re going to need new ones. Judge your relationship’s strength by how he handles your quarrels AFTER the honeymoon period. Does he still try as hard? Take as much time as you need to decide how you feel about him for as long as you’re together. It’s totally okay to change your mind.

That’s what I tell myself all the time. And I honestly believe it’s true even though I may come across as being selfish. I can’t be feeling guilt because my feelings have changed. I can’t tell my heart what to feel and I can’t tell a boy to love me if he doesn’t anymore. You can’t love someone else properly if you don’t love yourself first.

I don’t proclaim my love to be selfless like most other people, and I would gladly tell the world that my love is selfish. I love you, I do.. because you make me happy. But if somehow you don’t make me happy anymore, one day, I’ll stop loving you.

Give yourself that right to choose your path of happiness.

It is possible to fall in and out of love with the same person. Because that person is always changing. The only constant is change..

At times, change is what we really need in life. Definitely not replicas of our-ex boyfriends. Stop the self-pitying. The only way to truly get over somebody is to believe you can find someone BETTER than them, not someone just like them. If not, you’ll live eternity in regret. So if you think you’ve got something really special going for you…. don’t give it up.

This blog post is a public reminder to myself and everyone out there who needs it – that nobody is safe from heartbreak. Just love every partner you have like you’ve never loved no one else before, it’s the only way to part without regrets.

As Adele sings,

“Sometimes it lasts in love.. but sometimes it hurts instead.”