My poor little ball of fluff

My shoulders are heavy, and my mind is burdened by countless of worries tonight.

Just got back from the vet with Sam (I hate going there because every time we do it’s some sort of problem. Anyone else feel the same about doctors?) who confirmed that Mochi has spontaneously developed a cataract in her right eye that is maturing alarmingly rapidly. I started noticing a grey-ish sheen only a few days ago when I was playing with her but ignored it (foolishly, sigh) because it was reakky barely visible and when I tried to check for it under the light I couldn’t see it clearly. I shrugged it off, thinking I must’ve been seeing things or maybe she just had some foreign bodies or irritants in her eye. Then yesterday, it grew to the point where it became rather obviously visible. I nudged Sam worriedly, asking, “Is that a fucking cataract in Mochi’s eye?!” I wanted to hear him reply, “No.” But when he muttered reluctantly, “…Yes, I think it is. I think you’re right.” My heart dropped to the floor and all sorts of horror scenes and music started playing in my head.

During this point of time it was already late in the evening and the vet clinics were closed, so there wasn’t much to be done except wait till the next day for our vet’s appointment. I thought waiting one night wouldn’t hurt. I thought cataracts couldn’t develop and worsen over such a short period of time. We would go to the vet and she will be fine tomorrow, I said to myself before I slept. Wasn’t very good at self convincing because I read up on rabbit cataracts before I fell asleep and ended up bawling my eyes out when I realized what a drastic and helpless situation it is for bunnies. It’s not your average case of sniffles or skin parasites. It’s something that is almost always irreversible. The longest night ever followed suit, then morning came.

To my utmost horror, by the next day’s morning (today), the affected area has enlarged tremendously in size and turned near opaque in a mere number of days since I first noticed the slightest sheen that replaced her pupil. It is seriously growing so fast I wouldn’t be surprised if her eyeball was entirely white tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!! Cataracts in rabbits don’t usually happen till they’re more than 5 years old & almost always leads to total blindness in a matter of weeks to months…. but my Mochi is less than a year old. :’( It just doesn’t make sense. The condition will more than likely spread from one eye to the other in time, if I don’t get them surgically removed (even so, the chance of her sight regaining isn’t 100% and has many complications). It costs 2.5k PER EYE for the fucking surgery. The vet “thinks” the cataract resulted from genes, but honestly, they didn’t give me any substantial information or results except a few speculations. Just for today’s check up I had to spend over 200+ dollars. I can’t help the tears from welling up when I think about this shit happening to my little energizer bunny. I asked my vet whether I could have eye drops for her condition that would possibly prevent her cataracts from developing so quickly, and she told me there was none she could administer to me at that point. She told me I should really let Mochi go for the surgery because she’s so young. I am so enraged because 1) Research online and real life accounts have told me that vets have given them eye drops before that supposedly counters cataracts. Why isn’t she giving me any?! and 2) Who the fuck has two thousand five hundred dollars lying around to spend on their rabbit’s eye surgery that may or MAY NOT work?!?!?!!? If the cataract spreads to two eyes, that’s five mother fucking thousand dollars!!!!! In the grand scheme of things, can I honestly afford to fork out the five thousand dollars to save my rabbit’s life? Yes I can. It’s totally ridiculous that they’re charging these sort of rates, but yes, I can. But it’s not life or death situation for Mochi, she won’t die from being blind but she MAY die from the surgery because rabbit eye surgeries tend to get inflamed, and bunnies don’t deal with those type of infections or trauma very well.

 From what I hear, I still need to go down for a consultation to see if my rabbit is suitable for the surgery or not.. So that means if she’s “not suitable” for the situation my rabbit will go blind (in some cases the infected area of the cataract may leak into the rest of the eyeball and become a painful infection).

I really really really want to help my bunny so much, but my options seem to be fucking bad right now. I don’t want to see the cloudy whiteness in her eye get more opaque each day and see her movements becoming more limited as she slowly loses her eyesight due to reasons we can’t even figure out. It really kills me inside to think that this scenario may very well be reality in the near future.

If you ever spend some time with her in real life, you will know she’s the sweetest thing on earth, licking you for affection, snuggling up on our bed for cuddles & sprinting all over the place, getting up to all sorts of mischief. She’s more active than a lot of dogs I’ve seen that just lie around most of the time. Whenever she’s out of her cage, she will run from the living room to Sam’s room, to my room, to my brother’s room… and when I say run I do mean she sprints at unbelievable speeds sometimes! She has so much more character and personality than you could ever imagine.

People say rabbits can learn to cope with blindness rather well, but I know she will not be able to live the same life now if/when it happens. My bunny has always been in the best of health since I got her, up until 2 months ago. I was going to get her spayed when we did a pre-surgery blood test for precautionary measures, and they found out she had liver problems.

Thankfully, that was an easy problem to fix over 2 weeks, with some medicine. Then another problem came alone: less than a month ago she started losing fur on her head. I didn’t find it to be anything I should worry about because I know rabbits shed all the time. But as the days passed, she lost so much fur excessively in one particular area, it’s almost like a bald patch now..?

At the rate things are going she’s going to be a white eyed hairless bunny. I’m terrified she’s going to lose all of her fur or just drop dead. WHY IS ALL THIS HAPPENING??? What’s happening to her? I posed these questions to my vet, but they really couldn’t give me a proper answer, just things like “oh she has dry skin…. but we’re not sure why.. maybe…. lasdskfjsktww” I am so sick of vague fucking diagnoses and not sure whys!!!!!!!! WHERE DO I TALK TO A REAL RABBIT EXPERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From what it appears to be currently, there seems to be not much hope for Mochi. Either I fork out $2.5k or $5k (depends how fast the cataract develops and whether it spreads to the other eye or not) and risk her dying from surgery complications or not regaining her site despite the surgery and money, OR, I just let her go blind.. slowly, but surely. Both options are absolutely dreadful decisions I hope even my worst enemy will never have to make about something they hold dear to their heart. If you have a pet that you love dearly, as much as I love Mochi, you will understand how agonizing this feels. I know she’s not a human, and animals tend to fall sick and get diseases or disabilities often… shit happens… but blindness in animals is a big deal.

 I think not being able to see is much worse than being deaf, physically disabled or mute. I have been none of the above but I’m saying if I had to choose I would not be blind, if anything. Even if you can’t talk, you could at least write, if you can’t listen, you can still watch… what is life, without sight?! I can’t help feeling so lousy that I tried to provide my very best to ensure my furball leads a healthy and happy life, yet she came down with this situation so quickly and decidedly that would leave her without sight, and I don’t even know what I should do to help her. All stories I’ve read online pretty much end the same way: the bunny goes blind, with or without eye drops, medication, and surgery. Does anybody have happy ending stories of their pets having cataracts and then getting better??? :’( Would you please share some valuable information with me, if you have any?

Even though I haven’t blogged about Mochi since the first day I got her, she’s been one of the very essences of happiness in my life. I look forward to coming home to her fluffy self and stroking the crap out of her soft body every day. She’s endless entertainment for the whole family and she is truly the epitome of the word: bundle of joy.

I spend hours a day frolicking around with her whenever I can. Whenever I’m supposed to be doing work, I’m probably cuddling her. She’s my little baby girl, but I can’t even protect her from herself. This feels so awful. The worst part is, it’s happening over the weekend when I am utterly and COMPLETELY swamped with a shit load of work which I’m not even sure I can finish. This means I don’t have the time I need to bring her for more vet check ups / appointments and to spend time with her while she still has some sight in her eyes.  I really don’t know what to do.

Everything happened so fast. It’s like her rabbit life was literally perfect one moment, and the next week everything just went to shit. What if she never sees me waving at her signaling for her to come over again? What if she will not be able to see my grinning face smiling at her, attacking her soft cheeks with kisses… what if she never peers at me in that ultra adorable gaze when I cradle her like a baby? What if she just NEVER SEES again????

PLEASE GET BETTER SOON MOCHI!!!! Somehow. Mommy loves you very very very very very very very very much. :’(

She’s too young, too fluffy, too loving & too fragile for this. She’s just a soft little bunny.

She doesn’t deserve this, or to go through any pain or suffering when she’s less than a year old in this cruel world.

My heart hurts so much.