While typing my previous post, a burning question popped into my head:
What is happiness?
Because I realized in my second sentence of my previous entry, I said
“One day I’d be bouncing about in happiness, the next there will be moments of hysterical sobbing.”
The fleeting moments of happiness – is that REALLY considered happiness, or just an over-exaggerated word people throw around lightly in hope to convince themselves their life doesn’t suck that much after all?
I mean, if you’re laughing one moment, then sobbing the next, then cycle repeats – that can’t mean you’re truly happy, surely? Shouldn’t happiness be a safe, fairly constant feeling, and not unexpected whirlwinds?
While pondering over all this, I came to a conclusion.
That after so many years of wondering what happiness really is -
“Is it love? Is it the feeling I get when I’m starved and finally chomp down food? Is it achieving goals and fulfilling your dreams?”
I’ve decided that…
Happiness is a decision.
A decision to overlook all the shitty parts about your life, and to focus only on the good. Whatever that isn’t good, YOU CAN make better, if only you choose to.
It’s the decision to continue smiling once you’ve wiped those tears away, even when there seems to be nothing to smile for at the moment, it’s the faith that new beginnings will come your way.
It’s the ability to walk away from a treasured relationship completely broken-hearted, yet finding the grace in yourself to forgive those who’ve sinned against you and to open your heart to someone else again, in the future.
It’s the yearning to always improve the quality of life, and striving to be the best possible version of yourself you know you can be.
It’s the freedom of doing the things you enjoy, even if the returns do not pay your bills. Afterall, money has no true value unless you do something with it. Money can buy you a fancy car, a big house, and a private island but it cannot directly buy you pride and self-fulfillment.
It’s the expression of who you are inside, and ONLY what you really are, not the person you wish you were, or the person the people around you hope that you’d be.
It’s the peace of mind a person has when they tuck into their favourite food without having to worry excessively about calories and a diet.
It’s seeing the good in others, and yourself.
It’s being unafraid to feel different emotions and trying new things, even if it threatens to disappoint. Happiness is not about routine overwhelmingly positive emotions and safe decisions, it’s about taking risks and watching them pay off, and if they don’t, you can at least say you’ve tried your darnest instead of sitting at home all your life wondering what could’ve happened if you had done something different.
Regretting someone you’ve done is awful, but regretting something you wish you had done is worse.
It’s knowing that life isn’t always fair, but you do the best you can. And even if your best is not enough for other people, it should be enough for yourself. Nothing is ever perfect.
Which brings me to my final point – that happiness is not perfect.
It’s usually attached with sacrifice, tears, time and commitment.
Being happy doesn’t necessarily mean everything is going perfect, it just means you refuse to wallow in self-pity and slime and watch life pass you by.
Some people have it all on the outside, but have nothing but empiness on the inside. I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all.
So yes, I guess you can say, I’m emotional as heck, and life is no field of rainbows, but I’m still happy.
Because I choose to be.