If you want to do something, do it.

Hello, 2013!!!

I spent the last day of 2012 with my family having lunch in the afternoon, then shopped around with my mum in the early evening before spending the night counting down with friends by partying and clubbing. And by partying and clubbing I actually mean playing board games, ordering in room service and lazing on hotel beds, but that’s totally cool with me. At least we got a pretty nifty view of the fireworks from Marina Bay Sands. I pretty much spend every special occasion here now…. it’s become a no-brainer kinda place to go when you need to be somewhere, anywhere but home.

It was my idea of a simple, but perfect day.

When I woke up on the first day of 2013, I looked around and told myself… everything doesn’t seem any different at all. It could jolly well be 2012 again, if not for the fact I celebrated the beginning of a new year last night. Everything and everyone looks the same…. got new year, meh? *cue Singaporean accent*

..That’s when it hit me, and I realized – it won’t matter if its a brand new year of life, unless you change your mentality about things and strive to improve yourself. It won’t BE any different, if you don’t set out with change in your mind, and determination in your heart. A change in date won’t bring about miracles to your life. You have to actively pursue improvement, heck, even perfection…. and if you want something you’ve never had, you’re gonna have to do something that you’ve never done before. Opportunities don’t come knocking on your door. You have to hunt the fucker down, follow him home then burst through HIS door, demanding to be noticed. And when you’re finally noticed, please, don’t get complacent. I think one of my biggest flaws is having a short attention span. I feel like I want something, I go out and do it, and when I’m sorta pretty good at it, I just stop completely. Before I ever reach “excellent”, I stop dead in my tracks at good.  I move on to my next target, only to find just being good doesn’t cut it in this world – and ultimately, everything was a waste of time because it amounted to nothing in the end. How I see it: You’re either great, or you’re NOTHING at all. This year is going to change that. I’m going to be FUCKING TERRIFIC at everything I want to be great at, and god forbid if I let 2013 become another year of “what ifs” and “if only”… then shame on me.

Here are some things I’m going to accomplish in 2013, aka my list of New Year’s Resolutions, in no particular order or importance (yeah right):

1) Make more money than I did last year.

I took a long break with my business because of some personal implications late last year. I’ve stopped baking for other people for so long, I’m almost afraid I’ve forgotten how to make pretty cakes. I hope I’m still good at it. Who am I kidding? I’m fantastic, lol. This year, I wanna take business to new heights. Whether its opening a physical shop front or supplying to cafes or just expanding my online business even larger. I’m going to be efficient when it comes to replying emails. I will try my best to reply rude people nicely, even if I want to punch them in the face. I will invent new yummy flavors, and I will keep people coming back for more. I will try my very best to never disappoint any customer or mess up their order, and I hope each and every one of them will eat my cakes with a big smile on their face. I am going to have a new website for my cakes, because the current one is god awful.

When it comes to blogging, I’m going to churn out great write ups for my sponsors and clients. I’m going to try my very best not to be late when submitting my drafts (the lord knows how guilty I am of this, I’m perpetually late for everything) and I will try to blog more often, even if it means shorter but frequent posts! I will try to not have super backdated posts, anything older than one and a half month is unacceptable. (notice how I say “try” for resolutions I’m not 100% confident I will achieve, lol) Hopefully, I’ll get a new blog layout too, it is time for a refreshing change!

2) Save some money from the money that I make.

I’m not bad at making money, actually. What I’m absolutely terrible at is SAVING the moolah that I make. I’m a true blue shopaholic. I can spend over $100 at Daiso, even when I only walked in intending to buy a single $2 item. When I go on shopping sprees, I some times spend close to a thousand on random stuff a day, and frankly speaking, I don’t make enough to support that sort of spending especially when its on things that I don’t NEED. I have this mentality of living each day like it was your last…. but unfortunately the idea doesn’t gel so well with bank accounts. Hopefully, I can set aside at least $500 of savings each month. That most likely doesn’t sound like a lot to most people, especially the sensible and responsible ones who do save up, but golly, I’d be darn impressed with myself I manage to save at least $300 a month. Hahah.

3) Lose another 7kg of fats.

You know, ideally, I would like to lose an additional 10kg on top of the 11kg ish I lost in 2012.. but I will be very happy with 7kg of progress. I have a whole year to lose that 7kg, which equates to about 500 grams per month. I could totally do that. I could easily lose half a kilo in a week if I wanted to! I just have to REMEMBER that I need to be on a diet (and exercise more frequently). Too often I just forget about dieting and being healthy and I just pig out or create excuses for myself…. I’m a happy UK size 10 right now, and even though I’m pretty confident of the way I look and generally am happy with my aesthetics, I still have flabby thick arms, thunder thighs, pudgy tummy and what not that could use a little (or a lot haha) of work. Now that I don’t have eu yan sang’s acupuncture treatment to give me the push, it will probably be more difficult…. but it’s still something I HAVE to do for myself.

4) Be more punctual.

I’m always god damn late, god damn it. It’s a habit I’ve had since I was a kid in school – late for school, late when it came to doing homework, late when I had to go back to the classroom after recess…. I struggle to grasp the concept of time. Some times it goes by so slow, some times it’s so fast. I need to be punctual with my appointments more often!!!! Because of my tardiness, I end up splurging on cabs when I could’ve taken the MRT when it takes the same amount of time to get there, but costs so much more. You can do this Jessica, it’s not that hard. Stop oversleeping late into the afternoon and taking too long to choose your outfits before you go out. I will plan my outfits the night before, so I don’t spend an hour ransacking my wardrobe, turning it into a warzone.

5) Maintain good relationships with the people I care about.

2012 was a pretty good year for my friendships and relationships. I made new friends I’m fortunate to have met, reconnected with a few older ones I’m glad to still keep and I found out who my real friends were, and who were the ones I didn’t need in my life. I shared a lot of laughs with people I didn’t expect to, which was great. I almost never argued with my mother or got into big arguments, I tried to be as civil as possible when it came to my father and hey, I’m still attached to my boyfriend of over 3 years. That has to count for something, right? I swear to always be there for the people who need me, and that I will put more effort into being a better person they can be proud of.  And I will try to love them for who they are as well, flaws, smelly breath and all. Also I will try to not use my phone to Twitter, Instagram and Facebook so much when I’m having social gatherings with people. Disconnect to connect. *chants 100 times…*

6) Floss my teeth more often.

Generally, I have very good hygiene. I don’t have dandruff or oily hair, I always smell pretty good even without perfume, I wash my hands after I pee…. but I’m embarrassed to say that my oral hygiene is something that needs help. I’m laughing that flossing my teeth is on my New Year’s Resolution list, along with making more money and losing weight. But yeah. There isn’t a whole lot of things I feel like I really need to improve on, except dental hygiene is definitely one of them. I’m going to floss my teeth after I finish typing this post. (*edit: I actually went to shower and floss my teeth halfway through the post. Now I have lickable clean teeth. Go, me.)

7) Keep my room nice to live in, and organized.

I’m a pack rat. I have 11 penguins in it, for goodness sake. It’s probably not THAT messy compared to some other girls’ rooms (I have witnessed horrible situations) but its messy enough to be kinda frustrating sometimes. I read a study once where it said living in a messy, unorganized or dirty room makes your life more unproductive. I think there’s some truth to this study!

8) Record more Youtube covers.

Uh-huh. So I finally plucked up the courage in October last year and I did one here

But I haven’t done any after that…. I know I can say I’m busy but I know its a lousy excuse. If you REALLY wanna get something done, you’ll get it done. I guess I became distracted. Honestly, the hardest thing was finding people to collaborate with coz I feel kinda awkward (and not so confident) doing it all by myself. It takes quite a lot of nerve. But I’m already in the midst of discussing a new cover with this really talented awwsuummm person…. so crossing my fingers we get together and record soon!!!!! I’m trying to juggle too many things at once, aren’t I? I can’t wait to show you guys what else I can come up with! I hope I can get one done by February. And yes these things take longer, and more effort than it seems….
If there are any musically inclined singers or instrument extraordinaire or videographers or anybody who would be interested in collaborating with me for a Youtube cover, drop me a mail at Shiberty@hotmail.com!

9) Get out of the country to see the rest of the world… at least three times.

I don’t think I’m asking for too much… or am I? Some people don’t travel at all, while others do it like every month. My mum happens to be one of those people. Envy!!! I want a relaxation trip, a shopping trip and a sightseeing trip. I totally wouldn’t mind going back to Australia again, I LOVE that place… there’s an endless amount of things to see & do there. Or if I’m really lucky I’ll get to go to a whole new country I’ve never been to before! Maybe Korea, Japan, Philippines, Europe, Hong Kong…. Anything but Malaysia or Indonesia again, please? LOL. Really bored of neighboring countries. Unless I’m going to Penang for the food or Bali for the shopping then I don’t mind. And, if anyone noticed, everything I’ve said in the paragraph above totally clashes with resolution number 2, Saving Money. Sigh. #firstworldproblems

10) I’ll keep number 10 open-ended for now.

I am actually rather worried that I don’t seem to have a lot of immediate goals in my sight. OMG am I an under-achiever??? Why doesn’t any of my resolutions include a cure for cancer? Why don’t I have bigger and wilder aspirations to share with you guys? This year I turn 21 and there’s no more excuses left for me. DISGUSTING. Me, 21 years old, officially an adult by law. I can’t pretend to be young and stupid and get away with things like lazing around any more. People will EXPECT me to be an adult and to be successful. What happened to 2012? It just went by like that. Scratch that, what the hell happened to my life from 16-20?

The older you get, the faster time passes. It really is scary. Now I know what all the old people mean by “in the blink of an eye”.

xoxo,
Jess

xoxo,
Jess

Housing Woes

Mega ranty post incoming!

….So I don’t know if you guys already know this, but I’m moving out soon. In fact, very VERY soon. The house I’m staying in has been sold and we’ve gotta be outta here by 14 November latest because that’s when the new tenants will be moving in. And all of our personal belongings have to be shifted and cleared as well…. That does not leave me with a lot of time!!! I haven’t packed or even DECIDED on a new place yet!
For the past 2 weeks, there’s only been one thing on my mind: Shifting houses.
It’s possessed my mind entirely and has been draining my mental energy. When I wake up, I think of shifting houses. Before I go to sleep, I think of shifting houses. In fact, some times I have nightmares in the middle of the night that I don’t end up finding a good place to rent and I’m forced to sleep on a bench in Bedok Reservoir where I will then get murdered and my body thrown into the water.
I get so stressed out about it, some times I curl up into a fetal position in a corner of my bed and cry. I really don’t like shifting houses and having to leave what I call home behind for some place else I don’t care for. Anyway. My house (not mine anymore, and technically I never owned it myself) was sold because it’s getting pretty old / and the pipes are all leaking, so much that there’s a holy coming through the roof.. She wants to get rid of it before things go to shit around here. (Which frankly, it kind of has, so different from its former glory a few years ago le sigh) She found an interested buyer in our unit and got rid of it the first chance she could. Of course, she made a lump sum of money in the mean time because she sold it for almost double the price she bought it for.
In the mean time, she’s bought a new HDB flat that will supposedly finish construction in 2014… and she’s invited me to go live with her. Right now she has another house of her own that she stays in when she’s in Singapore (she travels a lot) but she lives with her partner there, and it’s a pretty small place which won’t fit Sam, my brother and I. Besides, I think its weird if we bunk in with her partner in the same place, and it is also not right for Sam to move into my mum’s place with me. I mean he’s 26 years old now… we (he) should be getting our own accommodation. But of course I won’t leave him to rent a place on his own in Singapore, when he came here from Melbourne just to be with me. That’s just stupid and mean of me if I were to do it.
So until the new HDB in 2014 is ready to live in or until we’re independent enough to figure out our own long term housing, Sam, my brother and I will have to find a place to rent. Don’t ask me why my brother is also living with us… long story that I don’t wanna go into. So I’ve spent literally days of my time just browsing propertyguru’s website trying to find a suitable place to rent. It is extremely tiresome having to browse endless pages of listed properties, calling up annoying, manipulative and pushy agents (some are helpful, professional and kind though), setting up house viewing appointments in my already-busy-enough schedule, going down for numerous house viewings at godforsaken locations not easily accessible by public transport & raking up insane taxi fares…. Gawd. The worst part is, rent everywhere is so motherfucking expensive. Singapore is overpopulated as shit so property pricing is honestly through the roof.
To rent a 3 bedroom normal condo (not even a NEW or NICE or GOOD condo) just ANY condo will easily cost you $3500 these days. We need a 3 bedroom unit because there’s 3 adults. You may ask, “Why don’t you save money by getting a 2 bedroom unit instead? Sam & you one room, your brother one room.” 
No. Just no. Sam’s been living in my tiny room the past year and honestly its been hell. We have a lack of personal space AND storage space. I can barely fit my clothes into my wardrobe, how am I supposed to have space for his stuff too??? And there’s two computers + computer chairs on one tiny desk in my room right now!!! I can’t wait to have MY OWN room, finally. And when I’m angry at him and banish him from my room, he doesn’t have to sleep on the couch no more… he can have his own room too, lol. Living with a partner in one tiny room is very different from having them stay over once in awhile. Back to my point. 
RENT IS THROUGH THE ROOF. I’ve seen so many lousy condos (horribly maintained and just ugh, no better than a HDB, some HDBs have much nicer interiors and cost way less) and it kind of breaks my heart to think that I’d have to live in that shit hole AND pay $3500 a month for it (cost will be split between the three of us.) I don’t wanna live in a HDB because I’m a spoiled brat who has lived in one of the nicest condos in Singapore for the past 7 years so to ask me to suddenly move into an old HDB flat I think I may just break down & cry (which I’ve mentioned I’ve already did a few times haha). The condo I am staying in right now means a lot to me. To me, this is not just a house, this is the place I’ve spent the most important years of my life in. My life has changed so incredibly much since the day I moved into this place but the only thing that hasn’t changed is home itself, and I can remember the first time I moved here like it was just yesterday. Before my mum bought this condo, we weren’t doing very well, and had to live in some less than desirable conditions like putting up at a family friend’s place longer than we would’ve liked to stay…. I’d never stayed in a place for longer than 3 years and I couldn’t really call any of the places “home”, when some times I lived with strangers. Savannah is the only place in the world I think of when I think of home. I’ve invited countless number of friends over to my place because I am always so proud to show it off. Some people may not like inviting guests over but I absolutely LOVE it. I think of all the memories made here, with my old secondary school friends, my ex boyfriend, friends that I haven’t seen for years and will probably never see again, the number of times I’ve cried and buried my head into this pillow on this bed and the number of blog entries I’ve churned out sitting in this very same spot at my computer table for the past few years…. It’s all so very nostalgic….. I can’t imagine I have to leave it behind so soon. I want to embrace change with open arms, but I’m a coward. Once I’ve found a good thing, I don’t want to EVER let it go, even if there’s a chance there might be something better waiting for me out there. I just want to cherish what I have right now. 
My condo (for the next 2 weeks at least) has the prettiest grounds ever. Walking around it makes my heart content. It’s by no means the most luxurious, but it is homely, cozy and absolutely unique. It’s themed like an African safari and there are mini waterfalls, a gorgeous pool, a fake volcano with a fun water slide, elephants + giraffes + rhino  leopard statues……. I am honestly so lucky to have lived here the 7 years that I did. 7 years on and I’m still wowed and awed every time I take a walk downstairs. It’s like I’m living in a resort permanently. I’ve got the nicest next door neighbours that I’m so gutted I will not be able to see often any more. I wanted to watch the little two kids next door, Sarah and Isaac grow up. I wanted to spend many more Sundays with them baking, cooking, eating, playing and laughing. I don’t understand why selling the house couldn’t wait another few years, but I grew tired of arguing with my mother and questioning her decision. I guess its her decision, not mine, and there wasn’t anything I could do about it, even though I tried to prolong it for as long as possible. I don’t think anyone else knows how I feel about living here because they never had the experiences I did. Some of my fondest memories include the simplest ones like taking a spontaneous morning with my brother and Sam or just having a long heart to heart chit chat by the pool with a girlfriend I haven’t seen in a long time and miss so much. Am I being completely ridiculous and over dramatic by saying I feel like I’m giving up a part of me? It is so scary to move on and to be suddenly “evicted” by this. Its not exactly sudden because I’ve had many months notice…. but still…….. I could never truly wrap my head around the idea.
Then it dawned on me and hit me like a brick. The time has come, and the time is now. All good things come to an end some day. Time to step out of my comfort zone and into the real world, where lodging isn’t free and mama isn’t always there to shelter you.
Back to house hunting. Eventually I put aside my pride a little and went around sourcing for HDBs too instead of just condos, thinking I’d save a lot on rent. Boy was I wrong. Some lao pok old HDB also asking for $3.5k!!! Not even nice, not even close to the MRT or anything. Seriously wtf it makes no sense at all. I was almost on the verge of giving up, but by some miracle… 
I managed to find two very very attractive units that have very reasonable rent. I was so relieved and happy when I viewed the houses, you have no idea. My only problem now is that I can’t decide which one is better for me (and the people living with me.) And I may need some second opinions. Let’s evaluate the two units which I have to choose between by this weekend. I’ll list everything I like about it, and everything I don’t.
1) Yishun, condo, asking $3k/month. Fully furnished (we’re leaving 90% of our furniture behind for the new tenants ugh mum’s decision that’s why rent is more ex)
Positive factors: It reminds me of my current place. 
Nothing can match up to my dear Savannah ever, but its still nice and has a hugeeee inviting looking sparkly pool. Well maintained and the interior of the place is cosy. The moment I walked in, I could honestly see myself living here (at least for the next year or two). I didn’t feel this way about any other units I’ve seen. It wasn’t fancy but it didn’t need to be. It was homely, simple, and I like the general design / feel of the whole place the most out of all the house viewings I’ve been to.  Master bedroom will be mine and the size is good. Comes with a modern attached bathroom with a bathtub, plus points! Built in oven and decent sized kitchen that hasn’t been used much, another bonus. 
Negative factors: It’s in Yishun. 
My bro and Sam work at Shenton together and they both need the train to get to work. To get to the train, they needa take the shuttle bus from the condo to the train, and then 13 stops on the train. That will take approximately one hour to get to work… Kind of far for them. :/ Location wise was also rather inaccessible & secluded because there isn’t a bus stop outside the condo, you’ll need to walk a fair bit and there is no shops nearby at all. It’s kind of in the middle of nowhere. The location doesn’t bug me as much, because I stay home a lot and the only place I go to often is Orchard and Somerset which is all along the red line anyway and I cook quite often at home, but I’m thinking about Sam and my bro. To get to work will not be an easy thing everyday… Also, if anyone wants to collect cakes, I wonder if Yishun is too far? Although technically its a lot more central than Simei which is super far east, right?

2) Novena, walk up apartment, asking $3.1k/month. Fully furnished.
Positive factors: It is less than 5 minutes walk to Novena MRT station.
Bus stop right outside, just oppsite is a lot of food places, shops…. the location is amazeeeeballs!!! Novena station to Orchard station is only 2 stops. Which means I can step out of my house and reach Orchard in 15 minutes by public transport. Mind boggling. The pricing is also very reasonable considering its so convenient! Getting anywhere will be fast and easy, settling food or entertainment will also be a piece of cake. I’ve got access to more than 20 food places with a 5 minutes walk. I don’t think I’ll ever need to cook again.
Negative factors: I may just never cook or bake again, for real. 
The kitchen is very blah, and doesn’t even come with built in stoves or oven, its just one bought stove top that’s plugged into the electrical socket.. Omg the kitchen basically does not exist. The house layout is nowhere near as cosy or nice as the Yishun one, but its decent / livable. I do hate the fact it only has one toilet though. I don’t like the house design at all but I guess I could put up with it for the sake of the convenience. I suppose I’d be out a lot more because its easy to get around and because there will be no swimming pool or facilities for me to use… no point staying home if your home ain’t very nice. The apartment is also incredibly old looking from the outside, which I don’t really care that much about, but its still a factor. My main concern is that there are NO LIFTS, and the unit is on the 5th floor. LOL definitely going to have slimmer thighs. But I’m not worried about being tired, because after one week of climbing the stairs, you won’t even notice it that much. I’m thinking, how the fuck am I going to go up and down 5 flights of stairs with TWO TIERED WOBBLY CAKES in my hands??? A total absolute nightmare! Transporting a two tiered cake on solid level ground, or any cake for that matter, is already stressful enough. They’re fragile. Add 5 flights of stairs and you have a perfect recipe for disaster. If I stay at the Novena one, I basically have to stop doing cakes almost completely, because the kitchen is not suitable for it and the god damn stairs are not easy to go up and down to hand the cakes to customers either. They’re narrow, small steps and it gets slippery when its wet (I went house viewing when it was raining and the first thing I noticed was how dark and slippery the stairs were) So… I probably have to give up my baking and find a new source of income. Easier said than done… -_-
.
.
.
.
.
And yeah. So that is my huge ass dilemma I have to face right now. Gotta make a decision by the next 3 days latest coz I’m going overseas on a blogger trip with Nuffnang on the 5-9 November. I can’t believe how much I’ve typed in the past hour wtf. I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY I EVEN HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS…. *sigh* Why now??? Now is seriously NOT the best time for me.

I feel kinda better after getting this load off my chest. I’m going to have a lot to brood over the next coupla days, but for now I need to busy myself with some last few cake orders I’m doing before I go on a baking hiatus while I’m shifting houses, so off I go. For those who have read the whole chunk of frustrated text, you’re awesome. I thank you for sharing part of my burden with me.
Bye.
xoxo,
Jess
xoxo,
Jess

You cannot unsee this

These days, things for Sam and I have been looking pretty solemn, serious, scary, steady.. whatever you wanna call it.

He’s been newly hired for a full time job, and we’re looking for a place to rent as we prepare to move out of my family home in End October / Early November this year. I’m going to be saying goodbye to my home of 7 years, and I don’t know how to feel about it. This condo in Simei is the only real home I’ve ever truly known. So many memories here, with friends and family alike…
Now, with things taking on such a serious tone, naturally I wonder where my romance and relationship is headed towards. Am I ready for my next big chapter in life alongside Sam? Previously he just moved into a house I was already living in. We didn’t have to pay rent, much of the bills, or live in a place of our own. Thousands of questions race through my mind every day as the date and inevitable draw closer. Goodbye teenage years and childhood forever, hello adulthood and responsibilities. Not many people move out before their 21st Birthday, especially in Singapore where most stay at home with their parents until they get married…. not exactly an easy or ideal situation to be in.
A lot of people also turn up the pressure and stress factor by several notches when they ask us, “When are you guys getting married?”……. 
At first I laugh and think they’re kidding but I look at the expression on their faces and realize they are not. ‘Scuse me!!!!!! For the record I am ONLY turning 20 years old on the 20th of September 2012, you don’t ask someone under 20 when they are getting married! How age-inappropriate is that question??? There are some things you just don’t ask people. Like asking a fat person if they’re pregnant or a black person if they’re from Africa. Just don’t. 
Anyway, I’m not sure I want babies any time soon. Definitely not before I turn 28 at least. Older people talk about how it’s best to have a baby before you turn 25 but I’d like to stay young for as long as possible. My tummy is bulgy enough without a baby inside of it thankewverymuch. I love playing with cute, well behaved babies, as long as they’re not mine.. Like my neighbor’s 1 year old.
Can you imagine if Sam and I had babies? Holy shit.
Sometimes we’d think dreamily about the future, fool around and utter things like, “Our daughter would have your long silky gorgeous hair and glowy skin, and of course my profound intelligence (which I have to argue there is a lack thereof)”. I gave the concept a little more thought and wondered what attributes of myself I’d love for my kids to have. Sam and I make a pretty killer couple. To be honest, I could probably get by just fine without him…

I’m great on my own. So is a pair of classic and plain red soled Louboutin stilettos.

But then you go and add some cool spikey studs all over it to spice up the whole thing and it’s something new and infinitely more brilliant altogether.
You are the silver spikes to my Louboutins, Sam. 
(Except I don’t have a pair… I wear Havaianas) But I love you anyway. I am however, extremely apologetic to say that the visual aspects of our marriage & future family isn’t looking so good…. Remember how we used to say “if she had my hair, your face, my wits, your skin” kind of sweet nothings? Yeah, that isn’t really going to work out.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
And this is why.

I………
I just…………..


.
.
.

No, this isn’t a break up announcement on my blog, or anything of the sort..
But I just don’t know if I could love my daughter, if she looked like that. Know what I’m saying?!
Let’s agree to put baby making off the list for now (or ever).
xoxo,
Jess
xoxo,
Jess
Previous Posts12345