If you asked me who is the one person I love and appreciate the most in this world…
I wouldn’t hesitate to say, “My mum.”
In everyone’s life, there’s that irreplaceable person who holds a higher place in your heart above all others, the second person most special to you doesn’t even come close. The one person who’s been through it all with you and you know they’re gonna be there no matter what.
For some, it’s their partner, for others, it’s their best friend…
But for me, it’s my mother. ♥
Ever since I could remember, I’ve never had much of a dad figure around. The only memories I have of my father as a kid are extremely fuzzy ones of when I was like 3; and then when I was actually old enough to remember clear details at 6 years old, all I can remember is him flinging objects around violently and shouting angrily.
I don’t have soft, happy comforting memories of him… so whenever I seek comfort, I think of my mother.
Despite her short-temper and sharp tongue, deep down inside she’s the kindest person I know. If you’ve seen her in real life, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. She has this mellow, kind looking face that brings me comfort every time I look at it because I know I’m right at home when I see her, and even if I am having an absolutely shitty day, everything is going to be okay. Mummy’s here now, things will get better.
…I can’t tell you enough how much my mum means to me; in fact I’m tearing up like a little baby right now, completely choked with emotions and feeling quite useless because most of the time I can put my feelings aptly into words, but words just fail me now.
People are always walking in and out of my life, mostly away than towards me.
And so I learned the hard way that the only people I can trust are the ones who stick around even when shit hits the fan.
It’s no wonder I became mummy’s little girl. She’s the only permanent fixture in my life.. when friends turn around suddenly to backstab me, she tells me that they were a bitch / a bad influence anyway, and I should move on and ignore them because I’m better than that. When boyfriends break my heart and force me into tears, she fiercely calls them up to give them a piece of her mind and then comforts me by telling me how smart, young and beautiful her daughter is and that I will always be able to find a better guy.
I’ll never forget the way I used to be a such rebellious kid during my teenage years – I was so nasty, too much for any single parent to handle!!
Failing my classes without mentioning it to her, skipping school behind her back, rudely hurling vulgarities, going out till late at night without answering her calls or letting her know where I was and falling in “love” with some boy and ignoring all my other priorities…
At one point (or, many points lol) it got so bad that I was sent to have counseling sessions with the school’s shrink (they said I was depressed -_- yeah I probably was). I even tried to run away from home and received suspensions from school (..thank god I was never really expelled although I got warnings)
Yep, I was that kid whose teacher had her parent’s mobile on speed dial and my mum was that parent who would have to make trips down to my school frequently, pleading with them to give me another chance.
She got crazily frustrated of course, and told me off harshly countless of times, disciplining me in various ways but I knew everything she did was for my own good. Most of the time anyway lol. If a lesson’s not harsh, you never learn properly.
I am just glad she never gave up on me, because I can’t imagine where I’d be now if she had. A high school drop out? Some ah lian smoking underneath a HDB void deck having a baby she doesn’t even know who’s the father of???
She didn’t have to face just 1 naughty kid, my brother was quite the problem child as well!
…So now you know. In both primary school and high school I had huge issues. I remember breaking down in tears and yelling in her face, “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERYTHING IS YOUR FAULT” and shutting her out from my life.
I know it’s unfair to say that to her, but I wish I knew what I know now back then. No parent ever understands their child fully, nor can they always provide them with everything they yearn or require but the best parent is the one who never stops loving their child selflessly no matter how flawed they are, and the ones who make the most sacrifices so that their children can be happy!
I guess I didn’t know who to blame for feeling so lost and confused. And since my dad wasn’t around for me to point the finger at, she took the beating instead. I’m sorry.
But how things have changed now, and I realize all the good things I have, I owe completely to her.
Now that I have grown up, I can appreciate all that she’s done for me fully…
Without her, I couldn’t be the well-grounded, happy individual person that I am today.
She has taught me so many lessons during these 18 years of my life, how to walk, how to talk; but the most important one of all is never giving up on what you love, and being nice to others even when life is kicking you with all its might in the balls.
My childhood wasn’t as happy and carefree as I would’ve liked it to be, but I know she tried as hard as she could to provide me and my brother a comfortable life. I know how many hours, days and nights she had to single-handedly slog away just to put food on the table and roofs over our heads, and I can only imagine how it feels like to face this world completely alone with 2 young kids, and no one out there willing to help you.
In her darkest times of need, where were the people she trusted to take care of her? None of them were there.
Yet today, if those very same people who abandoned her so selfishly many years ago turned up at her door step seeking help, she’d be more than willing to lend a helping hand if she could.
She never gave up on us, on herself, on life.. as close as she came thinking about it… she fought on, for me, for my brother, for our family. Small and imperfect as it is, it’s everything I have in this world.
“Nothing is ever perfect, it’s how we make the most out of it.”
That is undeniably the most amazing thing about my mum…
No matter how hopeless the situation seems, no matter how down she feels or no matter what the heck happens, she NEVER gives up on the people she loves. However dire the situation, she’ll find a way to make it better and even if she can’t, she’ll go through the rough times with you. Because of that, I feel like I can take on anything in this world.
Cuz whatever I do, I’ll have a pillar of support backing me up. Regardless of whether I fail or succeed, someone out there will always be proud of me :’)
Do you know she goes around telling people, “My daughter’s a blogger!!!!!” with the HUGEST grin on her face?? I’ve seen her do it in front of me before, I got quite embarrassed but it was the cutest thing ever, really!!!! I’m not even that successful a blogger but in her eyes, I’m always the star of any show.
She’s constantly saying to me that I was meant for great things, and what a wonderful daughter I already am right now so it keeps me having faith in myself too. She still ends many of our phone calls with “I love you.” and even though there’s a lump in my throat when I say it (I dunno, I can only say it to my boyfriend) I reply her the same thing everyday! And I’m 18!!!
I can’t believe somebody who’s gone through so much hardship can still remain as optimistic about life as she does. It’s incredibly motivational.. if you wonder where I get my family and life values from, it’s definitely from her.
Being a single parent is hard enough, but being a ROCKING single parent and the awesomest coolest bravo mum anybody could ask for is not something anyone can do. I think she deserves mad props for that.
Her birthday just passed on the 26th of February, and since I didn’t make her a birthday card as I normally would (I made her something else!), I figured she deserved a heartfelt entry dedicated to her at the very least. I’m really not that good with words in real life, I am not even half as expressive vocally as I am writing this blog but as long as the message is somehow delivered, then all is well in the end.
She’s been in Perth the past week and a half, but she’s flying back to SG in 12 hours so I get to see her tomorrow!!
And then I can show her the surprise that’s waiting for her and blog about it to share with you guys too. I hope she likes it ^.^
Happy Belated Birthday Mum!!!!!
I love you X infinity and beyond. ..Thank you for all the things you’ve done for me and kor kor.