Don’t expect me to be your friend

So my ex boyfriend texted me at like 12++am the other day and asked me if I wanted to go out for lunch with him tomorrow afternoon.

I asked him why he suddenly he asked me out, and he casually replied, “Oh I’m just going to be in your area tomorrow.”

Of course I said no (I asked him why initially coz I thought he had something important to tell me.. like erm he had cancer and was going to die and sincerely wanted to apologize for wasting 2 years of my life??)

I told him I couldn’t coz I had exams the next day (true story) but even if I didn’t have a math paper to sit for, I would never have went anyway.

I was appalled by his behaviour… how could he behave so casual with me?

Up till this day, I’m puzzled by how people can be (or pretend to be) so casual around their (recent) ex-es. I dunno about you, but when I think of ex-boyfriend, very very strange memories come flooding back to me..

Yes, it has already been over a year since we broke up, but I still can’t bring myself to face him yet. Not because I’m in love with him still, but it’s just because I haven’t forgotten the times we had.

How can I stand being around someone I’ve been intimate with, who is now a total stranger (in ways) to me and not feel awkward?

How can I look into the eyes of the boy I’ve shed so many tears for without wondering if he’s thinking about the same memories that I am?

There are still many things I wish I’d said to him, but I’ll never bare myself to him again. I realized there’s no point in talking to somebody like him… I just wish it didn’t take me so long to find out what kind of a person he is.

I wish he’d hate me and refrain from any contact with me at all, honestly, it’s easier that way.

At first I thought there was something wrong with me. Could it be that I haven’t got over him yet?

Why am I so afraid to pick up his call? Why do I have weird fuzzy feeling when I receive texts from him? (ain’t a warm feeling.. more like nausea)

Even after we’ve broken up, you’re still making me feel like there’s something wrong with me wtf. But today I realized you’re just too TOXIC to be around. And this post is a reminder to myself to never entertain your calls again.

I know many girls who want to be friends with their ex-boyfriends but that’s something I can’t do.. unless you know, maybe 20 years later. You know that an ex-boyfriend is not worth being friends with if you try to think of him as a friend but all you can think of is all the hurt he’s caused you.


I find it strangely offensive
that he’s acting so casual around me.

I don’t know if you remember, but our break up was an ugly, forced one (you being the culprit of course). It was not a “mutual understanding” kind of situation.

Sometimes I just want to scream at him…

HOW DARE YOU?!?!?!?

How dare you take my heart as a young teenager, stomp all over it, try to piece it back together just to rip it apart all over again and when I’ve finally gathered enough strength to break free you are back to haunt me?

How dare you act like the time we’ve spent together was nothing much at all? How dare you not be begging for forgiveness and instead trying to act like we could be best buddies?!?!!


What makes you think you deserve to be part of my life?

When I talk to him, it’s like he does not feel any guilt, sadness, or nostalgia at all. It’s like he doesn’t remember all those times we shared..

But I remember.

There’s just too many memories, some sweet, but mostly bitter.. to remind myself why I broke up with him in the first place, so I maintain a constant dislike for him..

Unless somebody erases these memories from my head, I could NEVER be friends with him.

He also called me up again about 2 months ago and asked me what I’d been saying about him on my blog, because apparently the girl he was interested in has read my blog and the nasty things I’ve said about him so she ignored him for awhile.

He sounded quite upset over the phone and I felt the slightest bit of guilt, I think he expected an apology or some sort of explanation but he didn’t get one.

Well forgive me if I’m only human!

Forgive me if I’m not like you. Forgive me if I refuse to act as if that 2 years of my life didn’t happen… Forgive me for ranting on my blog, because that’s the only kind of closure I ever got.


Forgive me if the pain you’ve caused me still hurts.

Why are you so worried about what I write on my blog?? I promise that everything I write here is nothing but the plain, cold truth about you.

You or your friends may beg to differ, but they’re so superficial just like you that it’s even funny.

Let me get this straight.. I spent so long trying to forget you and getting rid of you, now you want to be FRIENDS?

So you can’t be bothered putting in enough effort to keep me as your girlfriend but you conveniently decide to have me as a friend?

I know all about the cheap sluts and ah lians you toy and hang around with… You expect me to be one of THEM?

Fuck that shit!!! And fuck you for being so unapologetic.

No, you don’t deserve me as your girlfriend, that’s why I left you, and now, you don’t deserve me as a friend either.


Since I wasn’t your everything, then let me just be nothing to you.

I feel almost ROBBED of the awkwardness after every failed relationship. At least when he’s awkward around you, he remembers that you were once important to him and he’s scared to be too casual because he respects your own space.

My ex-boyfriend??

He even called me at 1am to ask me for advice on how to chase after this girl he met online!!!

The only advice I have for you is to never go near a decent girl with a good heart, ever again.

She may not be able to pick up the pieces like I did.

Reasons why we can’t be friends:

1) I would have to punch myself in the face for betraying my own intelligence

2) I would have to punch your face too

3) It conflicts with my views of not hanging out with people who are stupid, pretentious and / or have no morals

4) I don’t want to be THAT girl you’d have to lie about to another female

4) Friends are for building relationships. You tore whatever we had left of a relationship down a long time ago

5) I’ve spent a helluva lot time trying to bury you deep and away.. so stay in your grave motherfucker!!!


6) I know you like nobody else does and that is why I of all people would know ALL the reasons to
NOT want to be your friend!!!

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Let’s just let this story come to an end.. so don’t expect me to be your friend.

xoxo,
Jess

xoxo,
Jess

Flowers around Sam’s neighbourhood

It’s spring time now in Melbourne, and I’m dying to be there!!!


Spring is like the perfect season.

…It means amazing weather, flowers are blooming, people are out and about in summer dresses and on the beach, and other awesome things. ♥

Sam knows how much I like flowers and taking pictures of them, so this afternoon he went around his neighbourhood taking pictures of all his neighbours flowers in their lawns and gardens for me to look at, hehe!

I decided to have some fun playing around with the images, and since I always get tons of questions from people asking me how I edit my images, I thought of doing this post to share some pretty images and also this would show you guys the difference for my photos Before and After post-processing.

Heaps of time and effort go into making the pics on my blog pretty, but I really don’t know how to explain how clearly how I edit them, it’s not like I do every single one of them the same way.

They’re all different! So I guess you’ll have just to spot the differences yourself.

I like super contrasty and colorful pictures.. composition and lighting is also very important to me.

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All these were taken by Sam,
with Sam’s brother’s random compact digital camera.

For a compact cam I think the shots came out pretty decent! Very sharp images.. for the ones that Sam managed to focus properly, at least!

Ok, so put your cursor over the edited images and you’ll see the original picture!

(got this idea from Wendy)












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I know they look more “normal” in their original state (it has its own kind of beauty.. the raw, realistic kind!), but I like my flower shots to be over-the-top and dramatic. I always imagine flowers in a whimsical fairyland, like Alice in Wonderland! I’m sure her flowers aren’t normal.

I’m reaalllyyy feeling like shooting recently, haven’t used my DSLR in awhile..

That’s all for today!!!!

xoxo,
Jess

xoxo,
Jess

Brow resurrection!!! Hallelujah

HELLO PEOPLE!!!!!

I have exciting news to share today! ^___________^

Few days ago, I went to get my eyebrows done at Browhaus and the treatment is called Brow Resurrection.

It’s kind of like eyebrow embroidery / tattooing, but less painful and of course more professional… it won’t look as fake / drawn on and cheena-ish and won’t leave weird reddish / greenish marks when the eyebrows fade off. (have you seen those aunties and their faded tattooed eyebrows??)

Example of a not so well done brow job… @_@
Pic credit

I’ve been meaning to get my brows done for the longest time…

You might’ve noticed that I’ve complained bout my brows time and time again.

People always tell me they look kinda weird / fake, and the thing is, I KNOW but I can’t do much about it!!! Frankly speaking I do a great job with drawing my brows already because THIS is what it looks like completely natural:


NOW YOU KNOW MY PAIN!!!!!

I mean who the hell is born with such terrible brows?

They might look overplucked / shaved / whatever, but I assure you that’s not the problem. The problem with my natural brows is that they’re very scarce and droopy-shaped and simply plain ugly.

I’m satisfied with my looks but I really can’t stand my eyebrows because when it comes to things like these it’s not a question of VANITY anymore, it’s more of the fact that I feel like a freak of nature.

They’re so bare that they don’t even look like they exist when I don’t have make up on and sometimes this gets really weird remarks from other people… they even raise their own eyebrows at me as if to say, “What happened to yours?”

FML!!!

Here’s a few pictures of really bad eyebrows to highlight my point:


HAHAHAHAAAA oh my godddddddddddddd…. so epic.

Looks like I took a permanent whiteboard marker and started drawing on my face. In my defense, this was taken for a Halloween party during 2008 ok!!!!!

It looks so shitty because my brows were all over the place… if you have a good set of brows naturally, drawing them is very easy because you’re simply following the natural shape and filling the color in but when you got brows like mine… Wtf you meant to do?


Think of it this way.

You’re given a colouring book with outlines that you just have to sketch over, simple enough yea? So when you’re done with your artwork it looks neat and everything

But my version is just a blank piece of fucked up crumpled paper with absolutely no outlines to follow whatsoever so obviously my artwork is not gonna look like Picasso’s!!!!

#justsaying!


Sometimes they’d be reaaalllyyy thin looking…

Something about thin brows and excessive lashes screams trashy!!!!

And yes I also did have a fake eyelash problem. I fixed that now… well sort of.

I’m not proud of these looks but then again I WAS 16 years old and trying to be trendy so give me a break. I bet you looked shitty when you were 16 too!

Recently my eyebrow drawing skills have gotten better I think… in the past it used to be stupidly dark or strangely out of shape or too thin / thick, but nowadays it’s got a more standard consistency and it pretty much looks like this:

Still looks like sharpie brows, meh, I know but at least they’re better than the pics above!!!!

My mum has ALWAYS told me my brows were ugly (well, thanks mom) and I’d told her about the Browhaus treatment months back when I was first considering embroidery but wanted to go for a better option.

I checked out the price and I was like… WOAH.


1 thousand plus SGD $$$ to get my eyebrows done?? Are you kidding me!!!!!

With a thousand I could do so many things!! I could go on a shopping spree and buy shitloads of stuff, or fly myself to some faraway exotic country and have a holiday, or even save some poor man’s life by giving him an extra thousand to live on…

I didn’t wanna blow that kind of money on my eyebrows butttttt my mum, being the crazy woman that she is (haha jokes mum I ♥ you!) signed up for it on the spot for a package for 2, and told me she’d sponsor this treatment for her precious daughter!!

I was sooo happy (and relieved) but at the same time I was putting off my appointment for months, always calling to book but cancel it on the day itself because I’d been dreading the pain… It’s kind of like tattooing your eyebrow in.

Same concept right? You get some permanent dye, some sharp needle thing and start poking away at the skin… ouch.

Well few days ago I finally plucked up my courage and told myself to stop being a wuss and here’s pictures to show you guys how it went!!!!!!

Weee all ready set for new eyebrows!!! My hair’s so poofy and red!!!!! Love!

This pic’s just to show off my cute new summer dress and hair. I know my right eye in the pic looks weird.. ignore it. Tried to save it by photoshopping but still failed -_-

So after some cheap shopping in City Plaza (cheap for me coz I bought a sunhat for 10 bucks but my mum bought a gown that’s imported from Paris and mothertooting expensive wtf) we drove over to Paragon’s Browhaus….

They made me wait around for like 20 mins before I started complaining then they attended to me. Not exactly the best service…

hello I’m paying 1k+ for your mad overpriced treatment are you seriously gonna make me fucking wait!!

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After complaining and demanding for attention, a china lady then started drawing different brow shapes with an eyebrow pencil that she thought would suit me and asked me for my opinions…

She was quite pushy, and whenever I told her what I wanted, she kind of argued (in a non-rude way) and told me that her way of drawing brows is better because of so & so…

Finally we compromised and settled inbetween for something both me and her liked coz she managed to convince me that her opinion is trustworthy in the end. Damn salespeople!! If you do go, make sure you’re very sure of the shape you want otherwise you’re gonna have to live with it for 2 years and there’s no way to remove it!

When you finally decide on what eyebrow shape and color you want, it’s time to put on some numbing cream before the procedure starts!

And here I look like a corpse…. (Y)

Left the cold numbing cream on for about 20 mins and then she started poking away at my skin!!!!

It felt VERY weird because I can FEEL and hear her scraping my skin with that weird needle thing of hers, and it made a creepy noise (imagine what thick needle scraping hardened skin sounds like.. the cream made my eyebrow skin stiffer)

But it wasn’t very painful at all….

I have very low pain tolerance (cried from getting my eyebrows plucked LOL), and if I say it’s not painful then it really isn’t!!! You can definitely feel the blade cutting into your skin but it’s like an ants bite at most. There was NO blood at all and very little swelling when the whole thing was done.

It was over in about 30 mins, didn’t take any pics coz I didn’t wanna camwhore and accidentally cause her to screw up my brows lol


The REAL pain s
tarts when the numbing cream wears off (usually about 5 mins before she finishes tattooing on you) and you can officially feel the stabbing pains from the tiny movements made with her super sharp blade that she’s cutting your skin with!!! Stung like a bitch.

Like a million bee stings concentrated over a small area. Made me cringe and whine quite a bit T_T

You get the most MASSIVE headache ever, both me and my mum did, because your eyebrows are very close to your head so that much pain and trauma is gonna make you feel a little light (or heavy) headed…

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But the pain and money was all worth it because


♥ ♥ ♥ I LOVE MY NEW EYEBROWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


TA-DAH!!!!!!!! ♥


Omg I love them soooooooooo much.
Even without make up I feel awesome and confident!!! GOODBYE SPARSE HIDEOUS EYEBROWS.

I know they look super dark now, like black almost, but they say it’s going to fade after 2-3 weeks and become a LOT lighter, so if they don’t make it super dark now it’s going to be close to invisible in a couple of months.

My mum did hers a few months ago and it was dark when she first came home but now it’s heaps natural and pretty so I have nothing to worry about!!! Can’t wait for it to become lighter and brownish because I look a little fierce with such harsh brows.

When you compare it with THIS, it’s like a miracle!

It feels so good to have nice eyebrows anytime, anywhere… don’t ever have to draw em again!! For the next 2 years at least lol. I can swim, shower, not have make up on and still have eyebrows that look like they’re perfectly groomed…

Most of all I can look NORMAL.

Wait, better than normal, because I absolutely freaking adore my eyebrows!!!!!!!!!!

I mean COME ON…. don’t you just ♥ the shape?? I shall call them supermodel eyebrows from now on. LOL.

Makes my eyes look more awake and slightly bigger too! It even looks realistic because of the drawn on individual hair strands!!! MAD!

Really excited to see what it looks like in a month’s time… I get a free touch up in 1-3 months, just in case I don’t like the shape / colour / intensity I get to change it FOC, yay!!!

For those of you who are gonna say “Meh they don’t look that great / I have natural brows just like that” well go away I don’t like you.

I’ve never noticed how underrated eyebrows are…. like they are so important in framing your face and my old brows were seriously FUGLY I don’t know how I lived with them for so long??

These treatments are so worthwhile and awesome plus they are great confidence boosters, I recommend anyone who has the spare cash and less than satisfactory eyebrows to go do it!!! :)

Ok this is not exactly related to my eyebrows but someone left a comment on my Formspring saying “you’re so fat and ugly and you have auntie hair and make up. go look like an 18 year old pls”

Why should I look like just any other 18 year old? I love embracing my own individuality!!!!!

And if looking different means being unattractive to you then I can’t help it if people like you are so shallow. I’m sure your definition of being pretty is being really skinny and having rebonded ah lian hair and being as fair as possible.

What’s new?

Stronger brows means I should put on less eyeshadow.. don’t want the look to be too overpowering.


I ♥ it, it’s so 1960′s
and retro especially with my poofy hair!

Totally glad for the brow make over… it’s given me new found confidence that I never knew I needed.

I’m going for teeth whitening next! Also quite costly but it’ll be worth it. I’ve nice straight teeth but they’re just a lil too yellow for my liking which makes me self conscious about my smile so I don’t show my teeth in photos like, ever. Don’t wanna gross people out.

KK this may seem a bit excessive to some people but don’t worry I’d never go for plastic surgery!!!!


Okie dokie, toodily-doo!

Gonna rush out some advertorial now… jeez, am I never rushing out an advertorial? The deadlines are all so tight!!

Hope you guys had a nice weekend. Mine was pretty good considering I FINISHED ECONOMICS PAPER and I think I did relatively well for it… for my own standards at least.


SO PROUD OF MYSELF!!!
Hell yeah!!! Another hurdle I conquered.

I seriously didn’t think I was going to pass. I realized that econs is a lot easier than I thought.. once I got over my fear for numbers and formulas. Great thanks to Victor who came over to my place at 9pm, very short notice, the night before my exam just to help me pass!!!!

Love!

xoxo,
Jess

xoxo,
Jess
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