Skeptical

This entry will briefly cover the two and a half weeks I spent with Her for the first time, most of which I think she covered in her blog.

Well the events anyway, the good stuff however, is not known and I’m not sure it will ever be posted and probably won’t be because of privacy sakes but there’s a lot of things that were significant to me which were left out for one reason or another.. it’s the little things in life that makes life worth living.

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The 8 hour flights to Singapore are just death, they really are, fuck them to hell, I love her I really do but my god flying is like sitting in the doctor’s waiting room just to have a 10 minute check up and poof next thing you know you’re on the damn plane again.

I’ll change this, fuck oaf I will.

The first time however was a little different. I flew Emirates, so they had movies and crap and 1293129 other things to do but all I kept doing was keep my eyeballs on the ETA display : 7 hours 45mins till arrival OHHH MYYYY GODDDDD.

I’m not a heavy sleeper, in fact I almost never sleep soundly. I wish I could take some tranquilizers or something that would knock me out for 7 hours then I’d wake up but that’s probably not allowed…

As we came closer to destination, I realised the time I told her to come and meet me at the airport was completely wrong so I tried to use the phone thing that Emirates had installed to make in flight calls.
Fact: Sam Nang Chan and phone technology don’t mix too well, that’s probably why my mobile is 5 years old and counting.

Eventually me fiddling around with my credit card and the phone pissed off the person sitting next to me, evoking the response “Since yours doesn’t work, wanna try mine?”

I replied I had no idea how they work anyway, my Australian instincts kicked in and I made conversation with this man and his wife. A very agreeable couple indeed.

They asked why I was flying and all those sorts of questions, but the big issues were, I’m flying to meet someone, I don’t know her almost at all, my parents don’t know what I’m doing (like i care).
I explained my circumstances to this couple, since I probably won’t see them ever again but then again the last time I had that thought in my head, I committed to a long distance relationship.

The sky is very blue today. If I knew where they were staying, I wouldn’t mind contacting them to tell them how great things turned out, their positive attitude rubbed off on me that day and I was in a great mood.
10 mins more to see her, what else could bring me down?

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She would be looking around for him,
not knowing what direction he was coming from,
long for him while looking out into the distance when suddenly she would spot a person just standing there staring directly at her,
finding themselves moving towards each other,
the attraction too great and they would embrace in the middle of a busy airport obstructing traffic but they wouldn’t care,
they had each other,
nothing else in the world matters.


End of daydream*

What actually happened was probably the opposite, I saw her and froze like a turkey before Thanksgiving and the first words I spoke to her probably was that garble garble sound too. What you see on a 1 mega pixel camera does not do the real thing justice at all, I walked up and hugged her, my body stiff and robotic, definitely not the romantic embrace I imagined.

The quick arms around a tree to tie a rope kind of thing..*slaps head*
Yes, a perfectly good opportunity to make a good impression completely wasted.

Oh well suck it up and move on.

Even with all its glitter and glamour of the events that took place next, I found my greatest joys in the simplest of activities…. such as Swimming.

I never really liked playing in water, I liked my legs on solid ground, easier to fend off predators and run when there’s dangers.

All this changes dramatically when you’re swimming on a starry night in an empty pool, with the person you love, the water literally melts your problems away.

The solitude of that place really got to me, there was paradise in that concrete jungle afterall… an oasis of all that I hold dear.

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We did a lot in Singapore, I’m not really big on tourist attractions but it still had things to keep a new couple busy for at least a few weeks.
The time in the cab rides back home were spent sleeping for her, I kept watch just in case aliens landed. I would sit right up close to her and hold her hand and she would rest her head on my shoulder and slowly doze off.

It was a common occurence, I would sit there looking at the passing traffic and the tall HDBs and such and wondered to myself if this country would be a nice place to live in or not.

I would reflect on the events of the day and remember a montage of memories and the things that were said.
I would picture her laughing at things, like me catching her trying to conceal a burp after eating half her weight in ice cream.

It was always a feeling of content, but on one occassion something different happened.

I was sitting there, lost in my own thoughts, when something contacted my cheeks. When I looked down she was still fast asleep. Yes, she kissed me an unconscious kiss, maybe not a big deal to most but to me it was a turning point.

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I knew I would one day live in this country I had so many negative feelings about, maybe not for long but as long as she calls it home, I would be there too, because I felt I’d found my home… and it was wherever she was.

xoxo,
Jess (and Sam!)

xoxo,
Jess

Are we together??

I told Sam how much I loved his first blog entry, so he wrote more!!!! *swoons*

I love how my blog can have another author now, yay! It’s always interesting to hear about a relationship from different views of the 2 people involved.

Here is Sam’s 2nd blog entry!!

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Ever prepared for public speaking?

You would go through each moment in your mind about a million times and every time you would add more to what you have to say, making it better, maybe longer, more interesting to captivate the audience.

Every second clear as day so that at the moment of truth you would look down and be sure that you put on pants today, so that you could confirm 100% that you wouldn’t fuck up.

The big day comes, so you’re all dressed up and you are introduced, the audience claps and you get off your seat, wave and approach the podium..

You stare across the sea of faces gawking at you, judging you, and at that very moment you realise you forgot your cue cards.

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I like you, you like me…… ok so what now?

Well I’ll tell you what happened next – nothing.

Life was all fine and dandy, the happenings of that fateful night in history. The conversations definitely changed though, to “When did you realise you developed feelings for me?” and “Why didn’t you say anything?”

The answers were simple obviously.

I was a little scared piece of shit guy who couldn’t face the fact that he’s fallen head over loafers in love with someone an 8 hour plane trip away, and that the future, if there even was one, was so uncertain and going to be so stupidly difficult..

Was it even worth the trouble?

WHY YEEEEEESSSSS,
my inner self told me, that part of me that tells me what to do when brain function shuts off or is temporarily disabled.

And so the conversations continued about everything under the stars and sometimes what was above them, but eventually the “next step” had to be taken - a 6000 km step over a country filled with kangaroos, over a sea and into what was something called the most hateful place in the world…. I mean Singapore, the place she lived in.

It was put forward many times, “When should I come over?”

The response was, “I don’t want to pressure you, I know you have work and things but hopefully before the end of the year.”


The deadline was set, end of the year?

In 5 months I might as well go to war with North Korea and come back to find her in the arms of another boy/man/creature.

Then it dawned upon me that I was a single male, no kids, money in his pocket, no financial commitments, what was I waiting for?

I can pack and go see her whenever the hell I feel like it….YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I don’t think I told myself this enough and I’ll probably keep telling myself this till the day I die.

“Shiberty cookies and fucking milk”, I’m going to meet her.

My face went pale and my head light, what was no more than a fantasy, even what could of been just my imagination was becoming more and more real.

A reasonable date was set to be after her birthday because apparently with each number added to your age, you’re meant to become wiser, more mature and more of an adult.

Little did I know in the real world everyone is childish, just look at Australian politicians.

20th of September started to feel like a long way off, and the date of our inevitable face to face encounter was ever pushed forward, closer, a little more with every nudge from Australia or Singapore.

We were dying to meet each other and there was no way around it.

Sounds like all cookies and cupcakes, pun intended, but it all wasn’t that simple. There were problems that crept up on us that were shrouded before by the intense thrill of excitement but they couldn’t be ignored now.

“What if you don’t like me in real life?”, “What if I don’t like you?!?”

Yes, even in those purest of heart there is doubt.

What was once anticipation, excitement and joy is now replaced with the bitter taste of uncertainness.

What was only clear and calm waters now had storm clouds gathered, but the big question was asked - WERE WE TOGETHER?

How far were we going to push an online fanatical fascination into that of reality, where is the line drawn on such things?

Could we really say that we were together without even looking at each other, without even breathing the same air, is the person more fiction then mortal?

Well the answer I came up with was easy - “Yes.”

Plain and simple, I was soooo far in, I couldn’t make heads or tails but did she feel the same way?

Would she gamble on the small chance that we may like what can not be expressed over the world wide web?

In my mind I highly doubt it, a healing heart is not so easily fixed. Fixed it may not be,
but may as well do it the Vietnamese way – a trait I’m proud of having course through my veins.

Call it trickery, deceit, or down right sad, I prefer to think of it as just a small nudge, Cupid sure isn’t doing his job anymore, just look at all the miserable people in the world, so I might as well put on my wings and dust off the bow and arrow.

I thought to myself, I may as well tell her brother.

According to the laws of the universe, dating a friend’s sister, I’m breaking about 50% of those laws, 40% more is broken just by the fact I’m of Vietnamese descent and the 9% was probably broken when I was a moronic teenager.

Note there is a 1% margin of error. I was breaking the rules and I didn’t really care, this was a great opportunity because there would be a high chance of him asking “Are you two now attached?”

That’s all I needed. Since this is a personal blog, I may as well come clean, better now than when I’m in front of God begging for forgiveness.

The conversation to my recollection went like this:

DaNang cupcakes and tea: fuck aye he just asked if we were together?… are we?

Shiberty cookies and milk: ummmm….

DaNang cupcakes and tea: quick i have him on the vent and hes asking….

Shiberty cookies and milk: i dont know ……..

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Congratulations Sam, some of the pivotal moments in your life and you can’t remember jack shit, well yeah I really don’t remember much more than that but eventually we did confirm that we were together as “boyfriend and girlfriend”

You might say not sure if that’s an upgrade from “l4d husband and wife”, who knows but things were looking swell for this happy couple.

Bright days were forecast for a long time, till Sam got drunk off his nut, came tumbling home to talk to Jess.

It upset her like crazy and broke the long distance trust that he had built that felt like 1923812381203 years.

The details of that day I leave known to the two of us, till she decides to one day blog about it. I guess maybe I will, when I’m famous and people actually care about what I do, which will be never.

A small hurdle was eventually cleared. When I say small, I mean mountainous for the two of us.

We never really quarrel or get upset at each other, but this was one of those rare occassions and they still feel like shit every time. Only a few days before I first land in singapore and this has to happen.. sucks dogs wangs really.

Eventually the events of that night is forgotten and we go back to talking to each other
about everything and nothing,

but it would never be the same again because soon, that person who didn’t have any shape or form would be standing in front of me WTTTTTTTFFFFFFFFFF.

It’s a good time to end this entry, may not be as fun and exciting as others but it needed to be said because great relationships, great battles, great stories aren’t accomplished in a day, they are the accumulation of a lot of small but important steps.

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And yes, 6000km is a small step.

The biggest has yet to be taken, “What the fuck am I going to say to her when I see her for the fucking first time in… ever?”

Well, look forward to my next entry titled ‘SKEPTICAL’.

xoxo,
Jess (and Sam!)

xoxo,
Jess
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