Ups & Downs

My head and eyes hurt from all the thinking and crying.

Yeah obviously I don’t look that sad in the picture above because it was taken before the shit began last night. It’s a reminder to myself to always smile and be happy.

Life is like a roller coaster ride with ups & downs.. and now I just feel like I’m standing at the side puking my guts out from motion sickness. Lame, but no better way to describe my feelings.

I hope I’m strong enough to get through the day, and the week and for as long as possible without breaking down again.

Thank god for family… thank god that no matter how many friends betray me or how many boys break my heart – they have always been and always will be here for me.

It’s nice to know at least some people I love will never ever leave me.

xoxo,
Jess

xoxo,
Jess

Suppressed.. no more

I think the hardest part about being me is making it look so easy.

I’ve always thought of myself as an expressive person, right until this moment.

Because I have a thousand thoughts in my head and feelings in my heart that I can’t seem to put into words…


I now know why I used to cry so damn much.. because I couldn’t find another way to express myself.

Stupid but true.



For the longest time I’ve felt suppressed, trapped, helpless. As though I was screaming but nobody could hear me.

And the screaming turned into silent cries.

And by silent I really do mean silent, because from then on I never bothered burdening anyone else with my worries and troubles. Everything unpleasant I felt or thought, I kept to myself as much as possible.

Not unless I was at my breaking point and desperately needed a shoulder to lean on.

Some of you might have realized this because unhappy posts almost completely disappeared from my blog since some time ago. If you’ve been following me for a long time, you’d know I used to be a lot more whiny and PMS-y and had lots of temperamental posts.

I thought there really was no point sharing since nobody would understand.

And I wasn’t going to complain that nobody understands either, because really, who the fuck would want to read about that?

Now I’ve finally found someone who is ready to listen to me anytime I have something to say… someone who possibly understands, or at least tries his very best to.


And it means soooooooo much to me, you have no fucking idea.

I’m new to this feeling but it’s something I could get used to.

I find myself trying really hard to break down the wall I’ve built to guard myself against others.

I hate feeling vulnerable but now, suddenly, I want to.

I want to be able to trust someone whole-heartedly again. Giving all I’ve got and trusting that he won’t throw it all away.

To love like you’ve never been hurt before.

Because that’s what love is all about, isn’t it? What is love without understanding and trust? Why bother being in relationship if you’re not going to give it a hundred percent?

With me, it’s all or nothing.

That’s why I had to give up my relationship with James.


“So since I’m not your everything, how about I’ll be nothing.. nothing at all to you?” – My fav verse from my fav Beyonce song~

I don’t blame anyone around me for being skeptical about this new long-distance relationship. They’re just being concerned. I don’t think anyone knows him like I do.

What annoys me is when people judge without even making an effort to understand.



But then again, if people could understand each other so easily, he wouldn’t be this special anyway….

My head hurts. Fuck this, it’s a public holiday. And it’s my school holidays. So… End of emo post, shall resume happy posts soon.

I’m still a happy person, definitely, but happy people have their troubles too.




They just make the most out of what they have.



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Nothing like L4D to take my mind off things. Time for some zombie blasting!



I conclude : My best friends are Bill, Francis, Louis and Zoey.

xoxo,
Jess

xoxo,
Jess

Mayhem @ Chevrons


What do you need to complete a night of absolute mayhem?


I think…

Guitarist friends and an acoustic guitar

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BBQ pit with lots of food

++++

Retarded amount of alcohol

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And of course the most important bit…

Great company! (“v”) DMCD 0949A

I’ve only known these people since April but it’s amazing how we can all have so much fun together like good old friends.

If there’s one thing I’ve learnt from being in this class..

The best lessons in life are taught from experience, not lectures. From people, not textbooks.

They’ve taught me that first impressions don’t matter… it’s how a person’s impression of you changes over time as they get to know you better.

And I hope it just keeps on getting better :)



We should have more sing along nights Sherman, Rosa, Andre, Adam, Katie!!! Too much fun.

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It’s National Day today! And all I’m going to do is sit at home and play L4D. LOL.

Today is also cupcake’s birthday… too bad he lives in Melbourne so I can’t celebrate it with him =(


…But he’s coming to SG to visit me in less than a week!!!!!!

YAY!!!!!!!!

Madlyyyyyyyyy excited.

He’s going to stay here for 2 whole weeks before flying back to Melb.


This is the beginning of a new journey… I’ll find out how hard long distance relationships can be. I’ve always been skeptical about them, but now I’m pretty much putting myself to the test to see how much hardship I can handle and how much commitment + determination I have.

After my previous relationship I can safely say I’m pretty damn tough now.


Anyway anyway finally have free time, L4D time!!! WOOT.

Only have X amount of free time before he comes back home.

Tomorrow the girls are coming over to my place again, hehehe. Been spending a lot of time with friends lately, keeping me happy! Nothing like their nonsense to lift my mood.

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Much love and Happy National Day (wtf) to us fellow Singaporeans! Living in the same country as me is definitely worth a huge celebration :P



P.S – I have a new playlist now!!! Still got some oldies in there, but newer songs as well. Do you like it?!?!

xoxo,
Jess

xoxo,
Jess
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