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Ok, now I shall begin
Sometimes I feel as though I honestly have no clue who is my real friend.
I have many friends, but who are the friends that will stand by me through thick & thin?
I always thought that I have 5 best friends, but recently I feel as though it is less true..
Maybe because we won’t spend that much time together anymore?
Or maybe because we’re becoming more different? I don’t really know.
What makes a best friend, anyway?
Are best friends the friends you hang around with all the time?
Are best friends the ones who will be there for you, whenever, wherever?
Are best friends the ones who truly understand you and can accept you for who you are – the flaws & the attributes?
Or is it all of the above?
How can it be possible for all of the above? That sounds more like an angel than a best friend.
Sometimes I get confused, I think that the people I hang around with all the time are my best friends simply because we spend alot of time together.
But what’s the point of spending so much time together when it does not strengthen your friendship? Its merely for companionship’s sake.
Or is a best friend that friend you hardly talk to but know that he/she will be there immediately, if only you gave them a call?
Making sure you’re alright, taking good care of you…
Or is a best friend that one person who understands you so well – knows what you’re thinking, knows how to deal with your actions, understands the way you feel…
And accepting the fact that you’re not flawless but still a great friend?
I think it’s kinda impossible to find someone who fits into all 3 of the criteria, but if you find a friend whos like that, I think he/she is definitely worth calling “Best Friend” for
For me, I think it’s very hard to find/have a best friend.
And I’m not quite sure why…
I miss having someone I can talk to about anything and everything, I miss having someone whom I can always count on, I miss having someone to hang out and go crazy with, I miss that special bond between friends.. I miss having a best friend.
I feel that the people I hang around with often, don’t really understand me.
I also believe that I am very different from normal people – in terms of the way I think, how I’d react to situations, etc.
Sometimes I feel kinda sad that the friends I’m always around don’t understand me. People are way too judgemental, and should learn to be less competitive and more kind.
I suppose thats why it’s hard for people to get close to me.
I know it’s weird hearing from a bitch like me, but hey, I can be really nice and sweet ok? Just ask James.
I’m a bitch to whoever is a pain in my ass, but other than that, I’d like to think that I’m kinda nice.
If a nice friend needed my help, I’d definitely help him/her if I had the means to.
I just feel really disappointed that whenever I feel really down, I find that I don’t really have anyone to talk to. And then I start thinking about things and wonder if anybody else feels the same way.
You feel like you have 101 friends, but 0 best friends. And that sucks.
Because I’d rather have 1 best friend than 101 friends…
Is it really that hard to be my best friend?
Let me contemplate and list down what I think will be slightly difficult for people to accept:
I am bitchy. I bitch-talk about others for the fun of it. Kinda harmless though very evil sometimes.
I am whiny. I whine alot about shit and you’re probably going to tell me to shut up.
I am strong-headed. It is hard to convince me otherwise when I have my heart set on it.
I am different. Yes, different in alot of ways. Different like how everyone else is different.
I’d love to meet someone who is a little more like me.
Someone I can call and cry to, someone I can joke and laugh with, someone I can share opinions with without being judged..
I really feel that it’s very important that people do not judge me. The minute someone does something to offend me, I naturally withdraw and do not come out of my shell too soon.
I guess another reason why I don’t have much best friends is because I don’t like alot of people out there either.
In fact, it’s really hard for me to find people that I like!!!!!
A few of my real life friends aka school mates have told me they think I’m different in real life and in my blog.
And somehow, they don’t like who I am in my blog… Which I find to be a real pity.
I think I may be slightly different in my blog and in real life, but if you spend enough time with me, you’d realise I am the same.
The only major difference in my blog and in real life is that in my blog, I am much more opinionated. I can blog my true feelings out and tell anyone who disagrees with it to fuck off.
But in real life, people are just so damn uptight!!! They simply can’t stand it when you give them an honest comment.
They want to hear sugarcoated words.
But in real life, how am I going to tell the people I like to fuck off? Half the world would hate me then.
Gosh, there IS a price to pay for being yourself though.. Because I’m not the natural, nice, cute, shy sweetie pie, I find it alot harder to find people who like me and people that I like in return.
Maybe I should just move to America, where people are less judgemental and open-minded and outgoing and not so damn uptight.
I hate it here in Singapore.
Oh my god, today is National Day. I am a lousy Singaporean. LOL.
Oh yea you must be wondering why the hell am I blogging about friends when it’s National Day. Answer: James is being a dick. We had a fight, and he is being VERY mean and sore about it, I feel like breaking up but I don’t wanna do anything I’d regret.
I want to try my best so when it doesn’t work out I can move on in peace!
Back to my friends topic.
It makes me wonder whether the reason why I don’t have much best friends is because I’m not that great a friend myself.
I’d like to think that I am quite a nice friend leh. If you call me and cry, I’d talk to you till you wanna hang up the phone, giving you the best advice I can or just being a listening ear.
If you want someone to have fun with, I’m your girl as well.
So just what is it about me that some people don’t like? I feel terribly misunderstood, yet I know they are not completely to be blamed..
I give off this “I don’t care what the fuck you think motherfucker hahaha” attitude which really turns some people off.
But then again those idiots only like the sweet shy sugarcoated girls so those people can kiss my ass, not interested in knowing them anyway.
….OMG SEE?!?! EXACTLY MY POINT!!!
I’m such a loudmouth.
Anyway, after typing so much, I still have no idea why I don’t have much best friends.
I don’t really think the problem lies with me, I just feel that I have not met the right people with the right attitudes yet.
how many people really have best friends?
You may think that person is your best friend, but only time will tell.
Do you think that you have a best friend who is always there for you, understands you and is great to hang out with?
Or are you like me, sick of friends betraying their promises and being superficial and hard to get along with?
I feel damn sian whenever people are damn fake and go like “I love you, you can count on me girl!” but the truth is, they don’t give a fuck about me.
I’d feel like just replying “Ya la hor.”
If I’m hospitalized right now, who would come visit me? I wonder.
If I’m bankrupt now, who would lend me money? I wonder.
If I died this instant, who would be the one who would cry the hardest? I wonder.
I try my best to be a good friend, but I guess there can only be two reasons:
1) I don’t appeal much to others as a goodfriend
2) People don’t really have best friends nowadays
It really makes me feel very sad because many times I can’t find someone to talk to. I get frustrated when people don’t understand what I’m talking about.
I know EVERYONE has different opinions, but is it just so god damn bloody hard to find ONE person who feels KINDA the same way that I do?!
Even JAmes, the one whos supposed to be my boyfriend and my best friend, doesn’t really understand me.
It saddens me to think about our relationship now. I love him so much but sometimes I dont even know what the hell do I love him for.
He’s not extremely tall / handsome / rich / smart / capable / loving / charming / generous / kind / understanding, so what is it about him that I like?!
When I can’t think of an answer and when I think about how much he doesn’t understand me, I automatically feel like breaking up.
It makes me think that what I’m feeling for him is just infatuation – blind “love” without understanding.
Without understanding, there cannot be love. And because me and James have little understanding, we always have fights and quarrels which harms our relationship.
The worst thing, he makes me cry alot :’(
I don’t understand him and neither does he understand me, I speak cat and he speaks dog but I’d still die for him if I had to, because I care for him that much.
It’s kinda a love-hate relationship sometimes. Sigh.
Anyway, what a useless post, till now I don’t have any conclusion.
Right now, I shall carry on with my life believing that the problem does not really lie with me, it’s just that I have not met the right people yet. Only time will tell.
…Only time will tell.
It breaks my heart to know that
I am no longer close to people whom I used to call my “best friends”
People walk in and out my life, what’s important is that you all have left deep footprints in my heart… (“v”)
I’m sad to see these people slowly walk out of my lives, but I know that everyone changes. I am leaving the door to my heart open for somebody new to walk in.
Christina Aguilera – Reflection. A great song with lyrics so true I can’t help but sing along to them..
Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you’ll never know me
Everyday, it’s as if I play a part
Now I see, if I wear a mask
I can fool the world…
But I cannot fool my heart
Who is that girl I see,
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show..
Who I am inside?
I am now
In a world where I have to hide my heart,
And what I believe in
But somehow, I will show the world,
What’s inside my heart,
And be loved for who I am
Who is that girl I see,
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection someone I dont know?
Must I pretend that I’m
Someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show who I am inside?
There’s a heart that must be free to fly,
That burns with the need to know the reason why
Why must we all conceal,
What we think, how we feel?
Must there be a secret me I’m forced to hide?
I won’t pretend that I’m someone else for all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?….
Lonely nights I shall spend (without James), but at least I get to see the break of dawn everyday.
Things will get better… I just know it. (I hope it’s not too obvious I am trying to convince myself here)