ungrateful

I would post about how unhappy I am, but then again,

I figured I have enough drama on my blog already.. So I’m just gonna keep it in.

And hope tomorrow turns out better.

I doubt so.

We’ll see~

xoxo,
Jess

bah, once again

PISSED!

IT’S 10PM. IT’S RAINING HEAVILY

WHICH MEANS JAMES WON’T BE ABLE TO LEAVE HIS PLACE TO COME TO MINE UNTIL THE RAIN STOPS

WHICH I DONT KNOW WHEN WILL THAT BE? WHAT IF IT STOPS AT 1AM? -gets a spasm attack at the very thought of it-

i havent marinate the chicken yet. i havent cook or prepare anything yet!!! but how can i plan a surprise meal when i dont even know what time hes coming?

worst still, i haven’t ate since morning since i was so busy preparing all his stuff. i was planning a romantic 2-person candelit dinner by the pool in my condo.

armed with candles, food, everything..

BUT THEN IT *HAD* TO RAIN.

maybe there really is a god and he’s laughing at me right now.

*slaps self awake*

YOU KNOW WHATS WORSE?

james called me to say he was bloated!!! he didnt know im cooking for him.

when i heard that i got SUPER PISSED.

you’re working your ass off to surprise this guy with a meal and he calls you to tell how bloated he is. i didnt ask him not to eat before that because i wanted the meal to be a surprise, like duh =(

and then i got so disheartened when i heard that so i proceeded to eat to soothe myself. and now i’m bloated myself. so basically the meal is a wasted one..

can i cry now?

i have THREE gifts for him in total!! i love them all.

well it’s not as fairytale-perfect as i wanted it to be, but i think i still did a pretty good job considering everythings last minute


YES, I AM A FUCKING DRAMA-QUEEN.

i’m soooooooo freaked that it won’t work out later -.-

RAIN STOP PLZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

will update you guys tomorrow, BYE. -runs away screaming in frustration-



nothing i do for james ever turns out right / appreciated !!!!!

xoxo,
Jess

birthday blues

=(

You know,

sometimes I just feel like I’m making my life hard for myself.

No trouble, what for go find trouble right?

But I guess I’m just the kinda girl who thinks alot,

and the smallest things in relationships actually mean the most to me.

And somehow, my super complex mind always finds a way to find a “Wrong” in something that is supposedly “right”.

A month ago, I asked James, “hey, what you gonna do on your birthday?”

And he said, “go out with my friends lor then go home have dinner with my family lor.”

So I looked at him with a “wtf” expression on my face and said, “then me leh?”

And he said, “after that then i come your house find you lah..”

I just kept quiet. He could see I was unhappy, so he asked me what’s wrong. I told him that I wanted to spend his birthday with him. And I told him I didn’t want him to work on his birthday because he’s been working alot already, he deserves taking a break on his birthday.

So we argued abit about why he couldn’t spend his birthday with me. He said because his friends were busy and couldnt make it on other days so I could celebrate it with him on another day because I’m always so free.

Obviously I gave him a black face..

So finally he just gave in and said, “okay okay don’t be upset. we’ll go out on my birthday alright? i’ll still have to be home for dinner though”

And I was already looking forward to that..

But just yesterday I asked him again, “soo.. what do you wanna do on your birthday?”

He replied : “I’m going to school, then after that I’m going to work, then after work I’m going home to have dinner with family, then after that I’m going out with my friends, and then after that I come your house find you lor.”

And so I quietly asked, “Go with your friends to where?”

James replied, “to a bar lor.”

Sigh.

Can anybody feel my frustration right now?

He’s already promised to celebrate with me, NOT to go to work, and now he’s telling me he’s going to school then work then home and then going out with his friends TO A BAR.

Obviously he’s going to have a long long day, and when he finally reaches my place, he’d be dead tired already right? Still got what mood to celebrate?

He’s just going to tell me, “I’m so tired.” and then he wants to sleep.

I feel so fucking pissed off.

THAT’S NOT HOW I WANNA SPEND HIS BIRTHDAY WITH HIM!

I’ve been his girlfriend for over one year,

don’t you think I should be quite important to him by now? Shouldn’t I be one of the first, or the FIRST person that he thinks of whenever the subject of who to celebrate his birthday with comes to his mind?

I’ve met his friends and I’ve met his family..

So WHY can’t I just tag along with him to do all those stuff like having dinner with his family?

Afterall, I did that last year, I went to his place to stayover, had dinner with his family then went to the movies with his friends.

But he said, “dun wan la. you tag along when im with my friends very weird one. they all so old and you so young. some more my friends not free other day, but you have alot of time ma, so we celebrate another day ok? but at night after i finish i will still come find you la.”

…..

And you know what’s lagi better?

His mum doesn’t know we’re still together.

He says because his mum claims he’s changed for the worse ever since he’s with me and keeps nagging at him, so he just told his mum we’ve broken up.

That’s why I can’t follow him for dinner.

Why is it everything is MY FAULT?

Do you know how it feels like to be treated like some indecent slut that your boyfriend’s mother can’t know of?? because apparently I’m a bad influence.

Good lor.

This one cannot that one cannot,

So why the fuck am I your G.I.R.L.F.R.I.E.N.D?

Call me your FRIEND, why don’t you. Cuz it seems like no difference whether I’m your GF or your friend.

Oh actually,

I think my rank is lower than “friend”, since you’d rather meet your friends than me on your birthday.

What am I?

A one-year-long-fling?

I feel so fucking angry because I’ve already been through the whole “why cant you spend your birthday with me” thing TWICE, and I DON’T WANNA DO IT AGAIN.

BECAUSE WE’LL QUARREL.

And I don’t wanna fucking quarrel.

Why should I be FORCING him to spend his birthday with me, eh?

HE should be the one PRAYING that I’ll be free on his birthday to accompany him!!!!!

And it’s wonderful that he’s going to a bar with his friends.

He doesn’t drink. Or at least he claims not too. He can’t hold his liquor for SHIT.

I asked him, “Are you going to get drunk on your birthday then?”

and he replied, “no worries I’m not gonna drink dear.”

.
.

OH MY CLEVER BABY.

If you’re not going to drink, then why the fuck are you going to a bar?!?!?!?!!?!?

He claims that the “ambience is nice”.

FUCK THAT BULLSHIT.

He thinks that just because he tells his friends, “no I don’t drink..” then they’re just gonna be like “oh okay nevermind birthday boy! have orange juice then”

They’ll FORCE you to drink.

That’s the whole point of going to a bar on your birthday.

And then what does he do?

AND THEN WHAT WILL HE TELL ME WHEN HE’S DEAD DRUNK?

“oh, i dunno they force me to drink one, not i wanted to de.. *burps*”

Sigh.

So apparently he’s going to “WORK” also.

I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s meeting some (girl) friends behind my back.

I asked him, “why are you working on your birthday?”

You know what he replied?

.

“Why birthday cannot work?”

…..

BECAUSE, YOU FUCKING MORON, YOU PROMISED ME YOU WOULDN’T. You were supposed to celebrate with me, remember?

YA. OBVIOUSLY HE DOESN’T RE-MEM-BER.

I am so pissed off that I can cry ok =(

And I also don’t know how to talk to him about it la.

Fuck it.

It’s his birthday, so why not let him choose who he wants to celebrate it and where he wants to go right?

But he never once stop before he decides something and thinks about my feelings.

N-E-V-E-R.

It’s just not who he is.

And obviously I’m not going to force him to spend it with me, because I’m not so shameless to FORCE him.

Nevermind.

But I’m NOT GOING TO LET HIM COME OVER TO MY PLACE AFTER HE’S FINISHED ENJOYING HIMSELF WITH THE REST OF THE WORLD!!!

Since he thinks I’m a very boliao and free girl who has plenty of time for him to waste, well then guess what?

I won’t be free on the night of November 21st. Nu-uh.

So he can dream on if he thinks he can suka suka come over after he’s thoroughly enjoyed himself.

Because,

LAO NIANG WILL BE BUSY!!!!!!!!!!

Busy sleeping.

No time for STUPID, INCONSIDERATE, LYING, SELFISH BOYFRIENDS!

Shall be busy..

sleeping.

I think, I am superrrrrrrr kind and I have been a superrrrrrrrr good girlfriend already for keeping quiet and “respecting his decision” when he told me he’s going out with his friends, even though he’s broken his promises to me.

So shut up if you’re going to tag on my blog saying I’m not an understanding girlfriend, okay?

I’M A FUCKING NICE GIRLFRIEND BY THE WAY.

I’m a mean rude vicious bitch on my blog, but I’m like Jesus Christ to James.

I’m sure any other girl would have gone insane with fury at her boyfriend if she were stuck in the same situation as me.

BY THE WAY, I AM ALREADY 3/4 INSANE.

Which girl doesn’t wanna celebrate their loved ones birthday together with them?..

.

.

.

……….

.

.

sigh.

I know this has been a super unpleasant post. But I just find that blogging is a good way of venting my anger. I am not interested in hearing your negative tags, by the way.

And YES, IT IS A BIG DEAL TO ME.

IT IS A HUUUUUUUUUUUGE DEAL.

I feel like killing him.

He is currently happily playing mahjong, 101% completely oblivious to my feelings.

Wonderful boyfriend, ain’t he?

*pukes*

JUST KILL ME!!!!!


Now I know what to give my amazing and loving boyfriend for his birthday already.

.

.

.


A pile of Shit.

xoxo,
Jess
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