stressed, lost and confused.. but i’ll be okay (i think)

heyy.

i know i’ve always said i will like blog i will blog but i never did. LOL.

im sorry! but blogging takes up SO much time. everytime i blog i take like hours. its such a chore. how i wish the words could form on my computer screen as they form in my head. then it’ll only take minutes :)

HOW CONVENIENT. i should invent a cable that shall be connected from my brain to my phone, which i will be able to send the information to my computer, and then i can blog whenever and wherever i want :D

anyway the exams are a torture :(

sort-of.

i’m lying. i like the exams. you must think i am crazy (no, i’m not one of those nerdy freaks who work realllllyyyyyyy hard for exams and are excited to sit for it)

but when you’re having exams, everyone lets you have your own space.

nobody bugs you to do your homework. they’ll just ask you “how was your exam?”

and you shall just promptly reply “it was okay, lor.”

how convenient :) you don’t have to tell your kpo lao bu what you learnt this week, etc. (i’m not sure if any of you do? i think only primary school kids do that)

anyway, you get to go home really early too! when the exam ends, most of the time around 12 noon or something, you can leave already.

and when you FINALLY finish your exams, ta-dah! HOLIDAYS! wooohoo i can’t wait.

the only bad thing is, for people like me (who didnt study at ALL and know shit about any subject) you’d have to face the music when you get your results back. i would be soooo dead. i don’t wanna retain or anything :( i feel like i’m lagging SO far behind!

i garauntee you i’d fail a maths, e maths, chinese, and most likely physics and chemistry. WTH! thats like 5 subjects already. good thing i’m taking COMBINED science. combined failing marks would be less obvious :)

i was thinking what am i gonna do when i grow up. i really don’t know =/

i cant do anything. i had a childhood dream of becoming a singer, but now i know that i cant sing for nuts, so i gave up on that. furthermore, it’s not wise to have such.. BIG dreams.

what else? WHAT ELSE! im tired of people asking me what are my interests! i dunno!

i like to eat. maybe i can be one of those food-tasters you know? what the fuck are they called?

my english has deproved SOOOOO much. i SWEAR im like a bloody cheena now. i cant understand simple english anymore, and i seem to have problems speaking clear, accurate english.

this issue has become significant ever since i started blogging. AND i had my english + literature paper today. OH MY GOD.

i swear my hand died. i wrote like sooo much and i was like so proud of myself because i wrote so much in such a short time, but then i looked around and saw that everyone else wrote more. WTH. i swear i live in the wrong world.

and i suck so bad at literature. it doesnt make much sense to me.

i think poems are lame. most of them are. so anyway one of the poems in my paper was about a CALCULATOR and the first question was: why is this poem funny? (something along that line)

and i was like WTH. how am i supposed to know why a poem about a calculator is funny.

my mind was so blank that the first answer that came to my head was “because i was born with a sense of humour? now THAT’S funny ha-ha-ha-ha”

——

my fingers are freezing cold.

:)

i like this post. because it’s so light hearted and casual and i dont have to construct proper sentences because i’m just typing whatever that’s coming to my head. HA. excuse me but i really cant be bothered at the moment.

im just going to blog about EVERYTHING and anything under the sun (:

so like,

GUESS WHAT?

look look look

HAH!
i booked me and my mum’s flight to perth last night. im like sooo happy. because i need a fucking break. 6 days! 6 days and i wouldnt have to worry or think about anything in singapore, that sounds like a flight to heaven.

i CANNOT wait to see all the angmohs! ahaha im like super obsessed with angmohs. i go gaga over them. they are just sooo purdy.

i wish i could bring like pretty boxes over there and pack all the gorgeous ones inside and bring them back for singapore (:

oh my god. why am such a bimbo today? im using so many exclamation! marks too.

i think i must be retarded.

anyway back to the angmohs – i LOVE THEM! i realised i actually hate asian boys. because most of them i’ve met are actually stupid, ugly, and uncharming.

i dont see why girls over here are like obsessed with boybands, because their music is crap and they look mighty gay. i mean, there’s nothing attractive about a guy looking like a girl. thats why i think most singaporean girls have bad taste. HAHA! i could pick out ANY angmoh on the street and i’d bet you 50$ he’s probably better looking than your average singapore boy. why are singaporean guys so ugly? i dont even know.

all of them look so stupid, oily and pimply. with horrible hair.

god i am such a bitch.

NO OFFENCE IF U ARE A GUY! HAH

lets not even talk about the girls. it’s so sad.

because, a girl’s looks are much more important than a guy’s looks.

if you are born fucking ugly as a girl, you might as well go and die and hope to reincarnate into someone pretty. because the society hates ugly girls. sad but true :(

but if you are a fugly guy, it’s okay. just be rich. and smart (is that even possible?)

guys get away with EVERYTHING anyway. i dont know how they do it.

anyway if you’re going to say “your boyfriend leh? not singaporean meh? so he also ugly boy la?”

yea my boyfriend’s a singaporean but he DOESNT look like one at all! HURRAY for me.

not that i purposely went to look for one caucasian-looking guy to be my boyfriend, but i was just lucky enough to come across a cutie who asked me to be his gf. HAHA.

they say the longer you look at your partner’s face, the uglier you’d find him/her. but it doesnt seem to be true for me, after 8 months, i still find him mighty-hot. i dont care what you think about him, but he’s amazingly gorgeous to me, because he has the most stunning pair of eyes i’ve ever seen on a guy, and he doesn’t have a flat nose, and he has sexy lips. and he also has a verylongdick.

LOL. shhh i didnt just tell u that. anyway.

most of the guys i meet are ranging from ages 15-20+

yea. guys at those ages are usually BIG JERKS.

what about the older guys? 20+ and older? those become OLD JERKS!

i hatehatehatehate guys. im an OFFICIAL sexist. i just cannot stand guys nowadays. i think of them unfaithful, cheating, lying, bastards.

they ALWAYS let circumstances be their excuses for the change of heart or for their unforgivable behaviour.

thats SO coward-y. grr.

nevermind me.

:( just that i’ve been having relationship problems. im so fed up, and i dont exactly know who to talk to. everytime i feel down, talking to my boyfriend makes me feel better, but what happens when it’s relationship problems that’s bugging me?

talking to friends really dont help. i dont know why.

which reminds me of a quote : “What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the one who made you cry?”

hmm. something to think about.

i really feel SO fed up recently, that i realised i am quite insane sometimes that i scare myself.

when faced with a situation i do not know how to handle, i usually bang my head on the wall (really hard) a few times while screaming frustratedly.

it’s disturbing to imagine what i must look like.

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY BOYFRIEND SOMETIMES :(

there! i tried so hard not to say it, but i did!

not that i enjoy telling the whole world that im having relationship problems, but i really needed to let it out. and it feels good to let it out on my blog, because my blog is, afterall, my own personal space to do whatever the fuck i like ,

for example telling you to FUCK OFF IF I DONT APPEAL TO YOU :o

okay im kind of tired of randomly blabbering nonsense.

so lets talk about what i did over the weekend. i was SUPPOSED to stay home like a good girl and study for my upcoming exams, but i couldnt concentrate on anything because i was far too distracted by personal problems. poor me :(

so i went out for dinner with my mum, her partner uncle john and my boyfriend

YAY, i love it i love it. i love it that now my mum knows james is my boyfriend, and i can stay out later nowadays, and she gives me a bit more freedom because she knows who james is and have learnt to trust him so she feels less worried when i tell her im with him, which is usually true.

i love how my mum treats him like a family member already :)

i can take my boyfriend to family functions such as wedding dinners and everything, which is so much fun. i also can bring my boyfriend home anytime i want. HAHA. how many 15 year old girls get to do that?

and i also LOVE the fact that i am now closer to my mum, because of my boyfriend. i can talk to her about my problems with him, and she gives me GREAT advice. it’s such a win-win situation. for once in my life, i actually feel that my mother understands what im going through and how i’m feeling.

oh gee, how do i talk and talk nonstop till i go out of point?

anyway, back to the dinner with mum and mum’s boyfriend and my boyfriend:

i met james around 5+, and we walked around, wasting time while waiting for my mum and her bf to arrive. my brother and his gf were supposed to come, but they didnt. they are the ultimate dua-sters.

we had a buffet dinner at park royal hotel (or something)

i just cant seem to remember the name. plaza hotel? i dont know. but being the gentleman he is, UNCLE JOHN treated all of us to the sumptuous meal, which costed him 100+. i love going out with my mum and uncle john man, not because i enjoy being a lamp post, but because they always eat SUCH GOOD FOOD. LOL.

i love food!

ok la. i suddenly dun feel like blogging anymore. it is quite boring to be typing and typing to yourself, trying to imagine that you are ACTUALLY talking to SOMEONE.

get what i mean?

i miss my boyfriend :( sigh. sometimes i really wish he reads my blog so he knows how im feeling.

he isnt exactly the “sensitive” or the “feelings” kind of person.
bugger.

oh yea. anyone got the song I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing by Aerosmith? God I love that song. send it to me please! shiberty@hotmail.com (:

i’ll end this weird post with a picture we took before eating our dinner that night. click on the picture if you can’t read the words =)

i miss you terribly, and all i want right now is for you to hold me close so i can cry in your arms with the comfort of knowing that you’re right here for me when i need you.

xoxo,
Jess